Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Satire



Dr. Phil’s Meds Expire

A lot of people ask me what the secret is to a successful marriage and I am happy to tell them: it is berries.



Best. Buy. Ever.

Employees I’ve dealt with at electronics mega-retailer Best Buy, placed in other lines of work.




Six Petty Squabbles That Destroyed Mega Force

Mega Force was the most elite unit of the Galactic Army. They prepared for duty with very intense training and enjoyed state-of-the-art equipment. Their members were hailed as heroes in all corners of the universe. Mega Force was disbanded in 2134 because of internal bitching.



How To Make Money In Stocks

Stocks are in a sense tiny pieces of a company. Owning even a single share lets you bully and harass the staff of that particular company’s operation and preface your complaints with “As a shareholder…” For example: “As a shareholder, I’m very upset this Home Depot is sold out of my favorite twine.”


Camp Falsehopes

Where do concepts like “aptitude”, “intelligence” and “paying one’s dues” find themselves smothered to death by a big duvet of denial?



Good Psychic, Lousy Guidance Counselor

“Berklee School of Music is great, but you need to weigh their price tag with the fact you’ll never sell more than 43 albums.” “I’d be happy to put a word in for you, but I really should save my Dartmouth connections for someone who won’t wind up in prison.” “Do you really want to…


Ben Podcasts From A Trunk

Hi, it’s my first podcast, so I hope it comes out well. I have a great microphone and about two hours left on my laptop. And I’m locked in the trunk of a car, so if you hear me, please come help me.



This Monkey Means Love

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “What will I do with an animatronic monkey?” “Why would you buy an animatronic monkey for my anniversary?” “What were you thinking when you purchased an animatronic monkey from the Sharper Image?”