MAYORAL CANDIDATES
MICHAEL BLOOMBERG
"Republican"
Looks a little like you’ve been confronted by a mob of angry smokers, but it definitely says you’re the boss.
FERNANDO FERRER
Democrat
History is filled with mustachioed politicians, but they rose to power through revolution, putsch or brutality. That’s not coming through here.
THOMAS V. OGNIBENE
Conservative
He’s got the conservative look down. In New York City. Sure to take the Lower East Side by squall.
SETH BLUM
Education Party
What’cha got in there Seth?
ANTHONY GRONOWICZ
Green
A party with a one-note platform is slightly absurd, but I can picture you angry over a wounded Spruce. Sold.
AUDREY SILK
Libertarian
Yearbook committee called. Wants photo back.
JIMMY McMILLAN
Rent Is Too Damn High Party
Voter intimidation only works if you’re standing in the booth with us.
MARTIN G. KOPPEL
Socialist Workers Party
Can’t be bothered to supply a profile or a photo. Must be busy teaching film.
WINNER: BLOOMBERG
RUNNER-UP: GRONOWICZ
PUBLIC ADVOCATE
BETSY F. GOTBAUM
Democrat
May I advocate a new photographer?
JAY GOLUB
Democrat
A dentist running against an entrenched incumbent from his own party. Guess I would have skipped the photo too.
JIM LESCZYNSKI
Libertarian
"And if I win, y’all are invited over for mama’s Crazy Pudding."
BERNARD GOETZ
Rebuild Party
Goetz, party of one, your table is ready.
WINNER: GOTBAUM
RUNNER-UP: LESCZYNSKI
COMPTROLLER
WILLIAM C. THOMPSON JR.
Democrat
Nice. Serious. In front of a public building. I trust you to do whatever comptrollers do.
HERBERT F. RYAN
Conservative
Didn’t provide a profile or a photo. Must really want to win.
RON MOORE
Libertarian
Christ Ron. Look like you want to woo voters, not sauté them.
DANIEL B. FEIN
Socialist Workers Party
Workers Unite! And get your lazy candidates to submit photos and profiles.
WINNER: THOMPSON
RUNNER-UP: No.
MANHATTAN BOROUGH PRESIDENT
BARRY POPIK
Republican & Liberal Parties
The suit says republican and the hair says liberal. Nicely done, you paradox.
SCOTT STRINGER
Democrat
Are you sure you’re not the republican? Are you pulling a reverse-Bloomberg?
JESSIE A. FIELDS
Independence Party
A little flare in the glasses your photographer might have noticed, but it’s friendly and down to earth. Good.
JOSEPH L. DOBRIAN
Libertarian
Strike Three for the Libertarians. I’m not canceling my subscription to Reason, but I give up.
WINNER: FIELDS
RUNNER-UP: STRINGER
Note to Seth…
Do not get your photo taken after getting your wisdom teeth pulled, no matter how happy the demerol is making you.
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I kind of liked the Saute idea but “Lecterish”? That’s cold!
And careful guys – we Libertarians are kinda sensitive about losing all the time.
Ohhhh I laughed my ass off reading these. When I grow up I want to be just like you.
Nice site actually. Gone to my favourites. Thanks for creation.