From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.



Associated Global Systems – We Almost Deliver

Creative Brief for advertising copywriters Client: Associated Global Systems – a national corporation that tries unsuccessfully to deliver things. Objective: To establish Associated Global Systems as the “go to” shipping company for when you want most, but not all, of your packages delivered. Background: Coming on the heels of our very successful “Let Us Lose…

Google Presents An Exciting Business Opportunity

My wife and I had been talking for a long time about a start-up business. We’d been looking for something challenging and rewarding. As you can imagine, when this well-targeted Google ad popped up it was a eureka moment for both of us: Labor camps! Of course! Why didn’t we think of that? So much…

Internet Marketing Brilliance

This is an excellent internet advertisement for ClassesUSA that I tripped over recently. It does all the things an advertisement should do, and it does them well. I know this because for many years I worked in advertising. RULE #1: A good ad always mentions that the president wants you to do something. Everyone loves…

My First Consulting Gig

I saw this ad on Facebook and it made me think of starting a marketing consultancy. I would sit down one-on-one with Don and say, “Don, do not use that picture in your ad.” It would undoubtedly increase sales in his company. And then I would charge him just $400.

Generating Buzz and Transcribing It

Because I have a moderately-trafficked weblog of niche humor that is appreciated by a tiny fraction of English-speaking humanity, marketing folks in charge of promoting products routinely target me in the hopes that I might mention their product and link to their websites.

Fire the Agency

Personally I’m against all hereditary diseases, though I did attend a pro-Lupus rally in college.

So, Why Are You Single?

…and then I saw this urine-stained advertisement printed on a semi-adhesive piece of paper and haphazardly slapped on the bottom of a light pole mount.

eBay: Please Buy My Sweater

It’s white because it’s made with white sheep wool. It’s thick, so it’s great for cold weather or Bikram yoga. If you wear it with a pair of Ray Ban tortoise shell sunglasses you’ll look like Mickey Rourke in “A Prayer For The Dying”, a horrible film.