Department of Satire Awareness

An alarming influx of misdirected emails and comments sadly necessitates the following announcement:
Please be advised that Banterist is not a resource for contacting Sean Puff Daddy Puffy P. Diddy Just Diddy Combs, Stevie Wonder or Paris Hilton.
Apparently several individuals found Banterist via a Google search for Sean Combs’s email address. After their Puff Daddy quest results lead them to Diddy’s Daddy Tips and A Public Message From Sean P. Diddy Combs they assumed they struck Puffy gold. Then, apparently unable to comprehend what they may or may not have bothered to read, they sent P. Diddy an email, via Banterist, believing it to be another appendage of the Just Diddy empire.
Likewise, certain individuals who found their way to AOL Chat With Stevie Wonder and Dear Person Who Hacked Paris Hilton’s Cell Phone seem to believe that Banterist is the personal website of those individuals.
Unfortunately, it is not. I lack the musical talents of the exquisite Mr. Wonder, and am differently-gendered and educated than Ms. Hilton. Unlike Mr. Just Diddy, I was unable to build a remarkable career chattering over other people’s melodies, and would not find it politically or financially feasible to pay a black gentleman to follow me around with an umbrella.
In addition, I have no contact with any of them, though I would like to extend to Mr. Wonder an open invitation for brunch.
It can be assumed that the following unedited, uncorrected emails and comments sent to Banterist will not reach their intended targets any time soon:

From : hu69@[redacted]
To Whom It May Concern:
Thanks for entertaining my query. Do you have contact info for Mr. Combs?
I thank you for the attention to this question.
[redacted], President
Howard University Alumni Association

From: bigboy@[redacted]
how is everything, i hope its all good, i wrote to tell u to help me with P.DIDDY email address, so that i can send him email, cause i have business to discuss with him, please, i know u have his email address, am not in same country with him thats why i need it.
please try to send me the email address.

From: [redacted]
Subject: RE recording interview
This Message is for Sean P. Diddy Combs
I write this brief message regarding my daughter, having a schedule interview with Sean P.Diddy Combs on April, 2006…. She was prepared to come to New York with the assistant of me (mother) and my fiance, to support her during her musical quest… I am attending law school, and looked forward to her going to New York to interview with you organization. I have even put aside financial savings for her to meet with you for the music business. She has work very hard since she was 3 years old… She plays 5 instruments, and writes music, and create songs that go with musical notes… My daughter is very skillful, in her music quest… I fell that if you were not able to keep your word, than you should send some type of documentation regarding if you can reschedule her appointment… should you wish to continue this matter and reschedule her time to come and audition for your recording studio, please contact her at [redacted].
I would greatly appreciate this matter in consideration to you concerns if you would at least contact her with what you plan to do….in the future…
If you would like to contact me, her mother: [redacted]
I work in a legal office/contract….
I thank you in advance for your consideration to this matter

From: [redacted]
stevie im in year 10 i am doing a report on you couldyou emailme and tell me howyou use your ict with your special needs please relply thank you very much love danielle and stephanie xxxx

From: [redacted]
You need to check out the main story in PARADE (1/8/06). It mentions your name as part of someone’s dream of a lifetime. It would be great if you could make this happen, if only for a day! I don’t know the person, but I would be interested if you decide to act on this. Thanks for letting me write to you. I have always adored your music!!

From: [redacted]
Hey P.Diddy I guess this is the only way too get to you well me and my counsin and sister wanted too ask you if it is a possible for you too make us big? We have too dancer and we was wondering if you could because our family is preying and we are the same age as b5 but we just girls and I want too tell you that we have alot of talent you just type back and yes you would hear from us oh yeah our name is 3d

From: [redacted]
Subject: asking for relationship
i love you paris moe than anything else.i would be very please if you understand my feelings