Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Migration to Medium

Medium is all the rage these days. I was introduced to it not very long ago, and it’s grown on me. So, I decided to migrate the most popular posts from Banterist over to a new publication on Medium – which I’ve cleverly also called Banterist.

There you can find Banterist posts dating as far back as 2003. And new ones, because I’m write-y lately.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it: Head on over and follow Banterist on Medium.

And follow me on Twitter if you like.

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I Will Destroy Your Child’s Drawings For You

I know exactly what happened. You made a baby. Years later your progeny formed the muscles he or she needed to hold a crayon. Immediately, your adorable little creature started drawing stuff. Since that time, your darling child has been creating works of art. Precious works of art. So precious that you can’t bear to…


Why Are These Zombies So Brittle?

Hey Gang, I know it’s been a crazy few months with all the running for our lives and the collapse of society and all that. You’re family to me and I love you, but something’s been nagging at me and I just need to put it out there. Why are these zombies so brittle? Anybody…


What it’s Like to be Attacked by a Monkey

Most of us will go through our lives without being attacked by a monkey. That’s a pleasant statistical fact. Unless you are an organ grinder or work in a zoo, you have no day-to-day experience with monkeys. Your day consists of thoughts like I am going to get a pumpkin spice latte or I need…


Bad News from Mars

Hi Houston. Bad news. Mars is inhospitable to bees. Commander Orinsky was convinced that some of our science bees “might enjoy” some fresh air, but as soon as the airlock door opened they did this thing where they stopped flying and fell down. We thought it might be a trick but it wasn’t, so we’re…


Are Mutual Funds a Good Investment for Someone in Danger of Being Mauled by a Bear?

So you’re walking by yourself in the woods, thinking about the money you’ve squared away for investing. Putting it in the bank will earn you almost no interest, if any. You want to do something smarter with your hard-earned cash. There’s a cave. Maybe you want to take a look. If you’re not sure what…