Defendant: A corrections facility, ironically.

Count 1: Second Degree grammatical malfeasance.

Count 2: Rendering error permanent through engraving.

Count 3: Mounting and displaying of criminal spelling in an official venue.

Report: Officer Evans was in a jail in an undetermined role as law enforcement official, arrestee or friend bearing bail money when she noticed aforementioned signage. Presumably she was not cuffed, enabling her to capture the transgression utilizing the lousy camera on her iPhone.

Fine: Full refund of bail money and dropping of any misdemeanor charges.

For this, we wandered around Bryant Park with a tiny camera and a karaoke microphone, giving us a nice "public access" feel. We figured Bryant Park was a good place because you'd get a mix of folks as opposed to Washington Square Park where everyone has dreadlocks and pierced genitals.

Because I am shy we forced two interns to make the initial contact and screen people. I don't know what criteria they used to screen because one lady was visiting from the Philippines and didn't know anything about U.S. affairs.

As expected, most folks identified themselves as democrats though one guy had actually voted for McCain. The "liberal realist" was one of my favorites. Very bright guy. The best reaction came from the woman whose views were the polar opposite of her husband, a rabid Fox News fan. The English woman was lovely and I was thrilled to learn a new insult, "Essex Lad."

Most folks passed on keeping the signed "We Agree!" headshot of Glenn which I think was a mistake, because even if you loathe him you can still sell something like that on eBay. One man's trash is another man's 8x10 glossy of joy.

Obviously this survey has no scientific merit and the margin of error was absolutely ludicrous.

I suppose this is exactly the kind of quote we should expect to see in an article about how 60% of the 8th graders at one Chicago school won't be going on to 9th grade:

"It's horrible because these kids were under the impression they were graduating, and they let them know at the last minute that they wasn't," Billingsley said.

CBS 2 Chicago - 44 Of 77 Students At Bradwell Elementary Did Not Pass Eighth Grade

Defendant: Ketel One Vodka; Aliso Viejo, CA

Count 1: Negligent spelling, headline.

Count 2: Negligent spelling, geographic location. (Click image to view)

Count 3: Grammatical malfeasance committed during advertising.

Count 4: Failure to properly spell the town in which your business and/or residence is located, which one would assume should be easy to do.

Report: Officer DeWitt of the Computer H Information Superhighway Patrol (CHiSPs) was on a routine visit to Gizmodo, the tech gadget website, when he was exposed to numerous banner advertisements for Ketel One vodka. While being subjected to liquor advertising that for once didn't suggest imbibing would lead to a sexual experience with a hot blond, the officer noticed the transgression and captured it electronically.

Fine: $320 and a case of wheat-distilled vodka, though potatoes are better.

I saw this ad on Facebook and it made me think of starting a marketing consultancy. I would sit down one-on-one with Don and say, "Don, do not use that picture in your ad." It would undoubtedly increase sales in his company. And then I would charge him just $400.

My violent, swear-laden mafia comedy The Deposition of Lou Bagetta screens Sunday, June 7th at Laemmle's Sunset 5 movie theater in Los Angeles, 5pm. It appears in Competition Block 4 as part of the Dances With Films festival that I am accidentally not at.

Tickets are here.