From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.


Hillary 4.0 Release Notes

Hillary 2.0

(Release date September 2013)

  • Eliminated “assumption of nomination” feature from 1.0 release.
  • Reconfigured and/or removed several key decision-making algorithms from 1.0 release.
  • Worked to streamline nomination function by incorporating strategic elements from Obama 1.0.
  • Modified several stances to take advantage of changes to current political operating system.
  • Added several features to help improve access to millennials, gays and minorities.

Hillary 3.0

(Release date June 2015)

  • Added populism feature.
  • Retooled dialog as per focus groups.
  • Addressed vulnerabilities to Bernie Sanders virus.
  • Removed a flaw that prevented reporters from asking any questions.
  • Worked to reduce bugs that cause honesty and trustworthiness to fail to appear when summoned.

Hillary 4.0

(Release date September 2015)

  • Attempted to address favorability optics by adding new emotional and humoristic algorithms.
  • Added acknowledgement of email scandal in response to user requests.
  • Included more tear-jerking references to late mother.
  • Removed self-respect firewall to allow for dancing the nae nae with Ellen DeGeneres.

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To The Staff of Naked Ladies Magazine

It is with a heavy heart that I announce that this will be the last issue of Naked Ladies magazine. When my father founded Naked Ladies in 1969, he was a trailblazer. There were magazines, of course, but none that featured naked ladies. He saw an opportunity and he went for it. Naked Ladies was…

In Retrospect, Our Town Seal Might Be Slightly Racist

Fm: Sheriff Hawthorne To: Mayor Timmins Just FYI, some guy I pulled over for speeding said the town seal on our squad car was racist. Just looked at it and it looks like a white guy choking an Indian. Fm: Mayor Timmins To: Sheriff Hawthorne Holy crap! I never looked at it before. What the…

Memo to My Campaign Staff

Adored Campaign Staff, With my presidential offensive in full swing, we need to be two steps ahead of the “gotcha” media in every way. Preparedness is key. It’s imperative that we wargame how we’ll handle them in any situation. For example, let’s imagine photos emerge where I’m standing in the middle of a Harvard frat…

Associated Global Systems – We Almost Deliver

Creative Brief for advertising copywriters Client: Associated Global Systems – a national corporation that tries unsuccessfully to deliver things. Objective: To establish Associated Global Systems as the “go to” shipping company for when you want most, but not all, of your packages delivered. Background: Coming on the heels of our very successful “Let Us Lose…