Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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The Political Capital MasterCard

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With the MBNA Political Capital MasterCard, every dollar spent or vote received will earn you one Political Capital Point. You can use your points for valuable travel, hotel and shopping rewards, or simply to further your mandate. Even better, Political Capital Points can be transferred into most Frequent Flyer and 527 Group accounts. With Political Capital Points, how you use them is up to you!

 

Points:
Redeem for:
1,000 $10 Sausage Orgy at Waffle House
1,800 Medley of decorative soaps from Bed Bath & Beyond
2,500 $30 worth of patriotic iTunes from the Apple Store
4,000 Michael Moore’s underwear (XXL) and hat (M)
10,000 MP3 of Moby, Springsteen and P. Diddy weeping
14,500 Roget’s Vocabulary-Clinic DVD Set
30,000 60 Minutes of Dan Rather cursing like a sailor
75,000 "Happy ending" massage from Ann Coulter
100,000 Taunting Blogad on The Daily Kos
200,000 Positive mention in the New York Times
475,000 Khofi Annan streaking naked down 2nd Avenue
800,000 Rights to "Still The One" by Orleans
1,250,000 Vacancy in the Palestinian Authority
2,796,147 The electoral votes of Ohio
4,500,000 A shocked look from John Kerry, many others
10,000,000 Uncontested Hyperconservative Supreme Court appointment
15,000,000 Roe v. Wade
18,500,000 Complimentary Drilling, Arctic National Wildlife Refuge
20,000,000 Flawless regime change – Middle East or Old Europe
25,000,000 Enthusiastic applause during any United Nations address
35,500,000 Giant "I’m The Boss Of You" Planetary Billboard
40,000,000 Any enriched uranium Kim Jong Il has lying around
42,000,000 Coordinates of bin Laden’s dialysis clinic
59,000,000 Christ Returns, constituency rises to chorus of angels


Previously

7:35a Awake. My heart hangs heavy with the demise of yesterday's relationship with André. 7:50a My assistant Annette calls to say the editor of Us Weekly was furious that André and I split up the same day the …

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