Ever since I wrote A Public Message From Sean P. Diddy Combs two years ago, I have been plagued by people who think I’m Diddy, Diddy’s friend, or a conduit to Diddy. No amount of me saying I’m not Diddy seems to reach these people. Every so often I can count on getting an email from an illiterate artist, young teen, or “tight young lady” as one email mentioned.
Here are some current favorites, verbatim:
diddy, i’am intrested in starting an organisation which involves gathering people of high skills and bring them togather.
i want to get people of the street and away from crime, by giving them something to channel thier intrests into.
i would be highly grateful if you would contact me about adding your face to my program inorder to attract more people of the street and give them a little hope for a better futhur.
thank you, melissa
contact me on [redacted]@hotmail.com
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dear Mr. Combs (aka diddy) i hope i can call you that,
i know that you are constantly hassled everyday for jobs and record deals im sure, and i know it has to get quite frazzeling at times. But my dream is to become an artist, and i would just like some advice as to how to go about getting myself discovered. i have been singing now since i was fifteen and i currently am 21 years old about to turn 22. i know i have an amazing voice as i have been told time after time wherever i have gotten a chance to sing, mostly at kereoke places. i have just had my daughter in march but am back to my slim self once again. i am a 5’5 blue eyed blonde haired girl with a burning desire for music, mostly singing. i really feel that i can make a difference in this crazy industry by making my voice heard and show the world how much feeling goes into my music. the reason why mr. diddy that i have come to you for your advice about going about this is you are a mogule of many things, you are involved in so many different aspects of the cultured world that i really look up to you. you built this intense dream by yourself and i would like to build one also not only for me but my husband and daughter as well. being a young mom really is hard and the only thing i have to keep my spirits going that one day i will be a star and give my baby girl all the things she needs by showing the world just how hard working and dedicated i am and what i can do. please consider emailing me back sir if you dont i will understand completely as i know you have more important things that crave your attention right now other than myself. thank you for your time and GOD bless.
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HEY P-DIDDY! THIS IS [REDACTED] FROM NEW ROCHELLE,NY! I AM 14 YEARS OLD! PLEASE HEAR ME OUT! I ‘VE BEEN TOLD MANY TIMES I CAN SING, AND I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO HEAR ME SING! I WANT TO BE A STAR, BECAUSE THAT HAS BEEN MY DREAM SINCE I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD. I’VE BEEN SINGING SINCE THE AGE OF SIX YEARS OLD. I SING ON MY CHURCH’S “YOUTH CHOIR”. I ALSO CAME IN 1ST PLACE AT MY MIDDLE SCHOOL NAMED ISAAC’S TALENT SHOW! PLEASE HELP ME TO FULFILL MY DREAM, LIKE ASHANTI SAYS “DREAM’S ARE REAL, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST BELEIVE!” I WANT TO BECOME AN ARTIST, AND IF YOU COULD JUST TAKE OUT A COUPLE OF MINUTES TO HEAR ME, YOU WOULD LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR. I WILL WORK HARD BY TAKING SINGING LESSONS, WORKING-OUT AT THE GYM, AND TAKING DANCE LESSONS.I AM A VERY HARD-WORKING PERSON, AND I PROMISE TO BE COMMITED TO WHATEVER IT IS I NEED TO DO. I AM ALSO A VERY PERSEVERING PERSON. I NEVER GIVE UP, I JUST PRAY TO GOD FOR THE STRENGTH I NEED AND HE’LL GIVE IT TO ME! PLEASE WRITE BACK AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! THANKS FOR YOUR TIME!
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Sorry… but I’m from Poland and I’m looking for P. Diddy’s email… If you can find me that or If you have his email please send me…:)
My name is Marzena and I’m 15…:)
Thanks a lot… goodbay:)
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I think it says a lot that best use of English came from Poland. For the record, again, I am not Diddy.
Goodbay.
Brian Sack
I started Banterist in 2003 after this conversation with my cat. It led to all sorts of good things.
Perhaps the solution would be to contract out education and teaching services to the good people of Poland? Or at least the “P-Diddy-ite” who authored the last e-mail…
Only the true Diddy would deny his Diddiness. All bow before the Diddmeister.
p.s. Hope you enjoyed the gig with Snoop Dobby in Dublin.
Your Diddiest Fan!
I fear that the examples included are a sign of the complete failure of the public school system. Of course, it could be that the individuals so desperate to be heard by Diddy were too involved with their music to pay attention to such mundane things as English.
I can’t agree that these people exhibit any kind of complete failure of our education system. In order to demonstrate that, you would really need to know what percentage of people who went through the public school system were searching for a way to contact Diddy and did NOT think that Brian was Diddy. Then, compare that to the similarly-generated percentage of the population of private school alumni or atendees to determine if the difference is significant. Even that isn’t accounting for a lot of the variables in making such a judgment about public schools based on the sample of people who do or do not e-mail Brian, let alone based on other factors.
At best, I would say that these examples are indicative of the correlation between reading comprehension and grammatical ability, and if we make the assumption that Brian does not get these kinds of e-mails from people thinking he is Paris Hilton or Hugh Hefner, we can also extrapolate that a disproportionate number of Diddy fans have poor reading comprehension skills. But even that is something of a stretch, since I imagine a large number of the people searching for Paris Hilton or Playboy are just looking for porn, and do not have any interest in actually contacting these people, and so you can’t really judge their reading comprehension skills.
OR we can just make bleak prognostications about the future of our country based on anecdotal evidence without taking into account any kind of statistical bias introduced by the medium of study. Either way.
Those emails are phat. I REALLY like the first one where melissa hopes to gather people with “high skills for…hope for a better futhur.”
Our country is going to be in good hands 10 years from now.
Diddy:
I am one of those “people of high skills” if you weren’t aware. I can answer a few of these e-mails, especially the one from the 21-year-old blonde, if you aren’t ‘feeling it’. Especially if you aren’t ‘feeling it’, I would surely like to.
I’m with Jodz (may I call you that, Jodz?),
I’ve always felt Mr. Coombs was in denial; and your denial of being him smacks of that Diddy-like denial.
The more you protest being Mr. Puff, in any named iteration, and these camouflage postings of yourself as “Brian Sack,” the senatorial-visaged satirist, just make it more clear you are him. Puff. P. Diddy.
Of course, if you admit you’re Diddy, then you are also Diddy.
I’m also pretty sure you are a girl I dated back in my sophomore year. Just a feeling.
[This post has been Rachael Ray e-approved, using Rachael Ray Online. Try it today.]
Dear Diddy,
My name is Laura. I’m your average girl that wants to be a singer just like everybody else out here on these streets. But I’m different. I’m not willing to do anything to be a singer I’m going to do Everything to be a singer. I’m only 13 years old but I could sing my ass off. I love to sing so much and I know if you were to give me the oppurtunity I’d blow you away. I pray to God each day when I wake up that someday my dream will come true and my dream is to be an artist on one of the baddest labels ever, Bad Boy Records. I think that you should do a Making The Band 5 for teenage girls between the ages of 13-15. I know that I’m just a child and I don’t know everything yet but you know what I’m damn sure ready to listen. Whatever it takes to be on your label please diddy make my dream come true and make other girls dream come true. There is pleny of talent out there and I’m just waiting to be found. Please come find me diddy I live in Boston,Massachusetts and I know that the sky is the limit but Laura just don’t stop. Get at me. [bay-bee-grl@hotmail.com]
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