|
Renaissance
Festival |
Borne
Sulinowo Military Festival |
|
|
CELEBRATES
|
Glorious era when
Bubonic plague killed millions. |
Glorious era when
Teutonic plague killed millions. |
|
DRESS CODE
|
16th Century finery,
armor made by a lonely teen, swords that don’t cut. |
20th Century battle
dress, face paint, guns that don’t shoot. |
|
DEMOGRAPHIC
|
Frail young men who would not have qualified for knighthood, cleavage-bearing women with bad English accents, ponytailed men who wear knee-high boots outside of Renaissance festivals. |
Frail
young men who would not have qualified for Special Forces, hot women in camo with Polish accents, grown men in Waffen SS officer uniforms who presumably don’t wear them anywhere else. |
|
LOCALE
|
Random cow pastures.
|
Borne Sulinowo, Poland.
|
|
WEAPONRY
|
Claymore,
Ninja sword, flimsy bow, sad flail made from duct tape and string. |
Claymore,
Schmeisser MP-40, PanzerFaust anti-tank projectile, plastic pistol |
|
TOUGHEST VEHICLE
|
Arabian
Horse. |
Soviet
T-55 Tank. |
|
POPULAR COLOR
|
Burgundy,
Gold |
Camouflage
(Woodland), Camouflage (Desert) |
|
POPULAR FOODSTUFF |
Undercooked poultry
legs. |
Meal, Ready to Eat.
|
|
SADDEST SOUVENIR
|
Dreamcatcher.
|
Rusted German
helmet with bullet hole in head. |
Nice pic. The world would be a better place if all comedy writers were dealt with in such a manner.
By the way, is it me or is one of those guys fondling your rear? If so, disregard my first comment.
[ He was massaging me. I asked for an unhappy ending. -B. ]
I love the picture.
Oh no, you couldn’t get grabbed by the hot camo girls, you just had to piss off the Special Forces rejects instead. What, was your wife watching or something?
I see it now – you’re walking along in short pants, noshing your brat with kraut, when – without thinking – you belt out verse and chorus of a Dixie Chicks tune, maybe something from the new album.
Saucy.
Next thing you know – a very private flight in a black hood to an Eastern Bloc country is in your future.
Are you sure Beck didn’t put them up to do this?
Love the photo.
Are those live rounds aimed at your head? Even if it was all done in fun, it had to be a little unnerving to have all those guns pointed at you (though a quick look at the picture does confirm that no one had their fingers on the triggers).
Did they have cool army nicknames like Tex, Duke, or Detroit?
Looks like whippersnapper ass author with wood-tongue bad-mouthed the Poles and got what he deserved.
Keep us smiling, B.