Grammar Cop: I Wanna Hold Your Ham

Defendant: Pick-A-Bagel
Count 1: Misdemeanor spelling.
Count 2: Indecent capitalization.
Report: Officer Mohney of the Upper East Side Grammatical Vice Squad was presumably looking for a bagel to pick when the transgression was spotted and recorded. Crime mitigated by the comedic potential of countless puns.
Fine: Let it BLT with roasted Sgt. Peppers.