From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.


Glenn Beck Appearance 08/31/06

I’m not very good at recognizing people, though I’d probably recognize Martha Plimpton because I adored her my entire childhood.
So far in the makeup room before taping I’ve recognized only Anderson Cooper. He was all chatty with the makeup ladies. He seems like a nice guy, and he’s blazing trails for silver-haired men on TV so good for him.
But today was exciting. While I was sitting in the makeup chair, U.N. Ambassador John Bolton and his posse came into the room. The Ambassador was probably doing Cooper’s show or Wolf Blitzer’s Situation Room. I thought it was funny because only seven posts ago I was having fun at his expense. I thought, “What a small world.” And then I thought, “He looks like Wilford Brimley.”
When it comes to makeup, Bo-Dog is all business. He didn’t talk. He just sat in the chair and waited for the Polish makeup lady to work him over. He seems like he’s got a lot on his mind and as he works for the U.N. I can imagine that’s exactly the case. He’s probably fantasizing about capping Kofi.
It seems every time I go into make-up I get a different lady with a different technique. Men get about three minutes in the chair while the ladies get much longer. I accept this. I shall not litigate.
Some ladies airbrush my face and some of them do the old-fashioned wiping-it-on-with-sponges thing. I prefer the latter because I don’t shut up, and if I talk during an airbrushing I get a mouth full of makeup.
The worst make-up job I ever had was in the ‘90s for an NBC improv TV show called Kwik Witz. It was a poorly-executed rip-off of Whose Line Is It Anyway? and it wasn’t really improv. The makeup lady made me look like George Hamilton. It was sad for me.
But I digress.
Today a makeup lady made me look whiter than normal. I really felt like an albino. When she announced she was finished I thought she was kidding. I spent my remaining time before the taping asking everyone in the hallway if I looked too white. I thought I was going to come across as a sickly ghost. Even my eyelashes were white. I felt awkward and thought I should be ill.
After looking at the footage I can say it’s definitely not my favorite makeup job. But I don’t think I look like the guy from Powder.
At any rate, I got my Bolton fix.


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