Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

Menu

The Restaurant Inspector’s Nightmare

APPETIZER
OYSTERS ON THE HALF SHELL
Six Bluepoints from an unapproved source with cocktail sauce and our signature miso vinaigrette.
ASSIETTE DE FROMAGES
Plate of assorted cheeses assembled by Javy, who doesn’t wash his hands.
JUMBO LUMP CRAB MEAT SALAD
Improperly-thawed Alaskan crabmeat on a bed of frisee.
VEGGIE’S DELIGHT
An assortment of seasonal unwashed vegetables.
CURRY CHICKEN SALAD
Chunks of white chicken meat in a curry sauce with raisins and toasted almonds, served from a bin without a thermometer in it.
FRENCH ONION SOUP
Stirred with a ladle that hangs next to a refuse container, topped with crouton and Gruyere cheese.
TUNA TARTARE
Sashimi quality Yellowfin stored at temperatures greater than 38 degrees and served with a ginger-wasabi sauce.
ENTREES
All entrees are served with an assortment of mouse-nibbled breads and our famous recycled olive spread.
FILET MIGNON
8 oz. of grain-fed Filet cooked to order, accidentally dropped on the floor and served with caramelized shallots and a Bordeaux reduction.
VEAL MEATLOAF
Yesterday’s veal meatloaf, left out too long on an unauthorized surface. With garlic mashed potatoes and asparagus.
MISO-GLAZED SEA BASS
Marinated overnight next to cleaning supplies found in the walk-in cooler.
STEAMED RED SNAPPER
Prepared with artichokes and a mushroom medley, near evidence of flying insects.
ORGANIC CHICKEN BREAST
Free-range chicken breast cooked before being properly thawed. Served with broccoli rabe and rice pilaf.
PORK LOIN
Lightly smoked and not cooked to required minimum temperature.
VEGETARIAN QUICHE
With assorted vegetables of the season and Gruyere cheese, cut with a knife Javy keeps dropping on the floor.
DESSERTS
OLD COUNTRY APPLE PIE
An assortment of baked Washington State apples, cooled uncovered in close proximity to a sewage pipe in the basement.
SUPER FUDGE BROWNIE
A chocolate lover’s fantasy, topped with expired whipped cream.
ICE CREAM MEDLEY
Assorted house-made ice creams not authorized on our Food Service Establishment permit.
BEVERAGES
We offer a wide assortment of alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages, all served in glasses that were not washed at the 170 degree minimum final rinse temperature.
Smoking is allowed when the authorities aren’t looking.


Previously

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