Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Now Hiring At Showtime

Showtime Networks, Inc., a premium cable network and creator of independent programming eerily similar to HBO Networks, is now accepting applications for qualified individuals for the following positions:
DIRECTOR OF PROGRAMMING
Job responsibilities for Director of Programming include:
-Watching HBO.
-Writing down what you see.
-Altering what you’ve written to make it gay-themed or very slightly different.
Background:
Showtime Networks prides itself on a line-up of programming that you may think you’ve seen before if you’ve seen HBO. Some of our recent hits include:
The L-Word (think ‘Sex & The City’ – but with lesbians)
Queer as Folk (think ‘Sex & The City’ – but with gay guys)
The Chris Isaak Show (think ‘Sex & The City’ – but with Chris Isaak)
Dead Like Me (think ‘Six Feet Under’ ‘ but not as good)
Prerequisites:
Applicants must have a technical school degree or higher, and must be forward-thinking individuals who like what they see on HBO, but long to do it differently. Quality is not as important is imitation, which is the sincerest form of flattery.
You should be thick-skinned and willing to accept rejection by the viewing audience.
You should be open to doing at least one show with Margaret Cho. We know. We know. Just give her something to do for a couple of hours.
Applicants must have a familiarity with Showtime Networks. This can be obtained by calling your cable company and asking them to re-connect your Showtime, or by watching HBO and imagining it done for half the cost and under the watchful eye of an unappeasable coterie of spectacular nincompoops.
Requirements:
The new Director of Programming at Showtime will be required to not only come up with new ideas based on HBO’s programming, but also help with existing ideas based on HBO’s programming that are currently being tossed around the boardroom. These shows include:
Curb Your Appetite (think ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm” – but with chef Emeril Lagasse)
What’d Bill Maher Talk About? (think ‘Real Time with Bill Maher’ – but the next day)
Aaaahs! (think ‘Oz’ but the main characters are cute little puppies)
Salary:
Salary is negotiable and is based on what HBO is paying their programming director, minus 60%.
Please direct all resumes to:
Showtime’s Big Director of Programming Hunt
1633 Broadway
New York, NY 10019


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