Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Nextel: Dumb.

Like many folks, I am annoyed by loud, one-sided mobile phone conversations conducted by individuals around me on sidewalks, in restaurants, department stores and the doctor’s office. At the very least, it’s discourteous to hoot and holler on the phone as if you were in your living room. Sometimes it’s absolutely obnoxious, such as when trapped in an elevator or movie theatre. When using my phone in public, I choose to mumble inaudibly for fear of annoying anyone in my proximity. The end result is that friends and business associates think I am inarticulate, depressed and incredibly shy. But at least I’ve offended no strangers on the street.
As more an more mobile users test the limits of outrageous behavior, I have often wondered if these people had any shame whatsoever. The answer of course, is no, not really. They’re rude. That’s why everyone on 5th Avenue heard about your husband’s affair, or how the men’s section of Macy’s was made aware of your fascinating business deal.
I had thought we’d reached a peak of some sort, insuring mobile behavior couldn’t get much worse. And then comes along Nextel’s walkie-talkie phone.
Nextel’s walkie-talkie phone lets me hear both sides of mundane conversations I’d rather not be part of. Now, not only do I hear some obnoxious tart’s dialogue, but also the dimwit who’s living with her.
While perusing the racks of a local greeting card shop recently, I overheard a conversation that was so distracting, so annoying, that I simply could not function as a customer. I was rendered incapable of purchasing a birthday card. Rather, all my attention was directed at a woman who had unwillingly brought me into her life. A woman who I would have tried to strangle, were there not repercussions for doing so.
Because of her rudeness, and her Nextel walkie-talkie phone, I was transported into her world. A world that I really would prefer not to visit again.
‘Honey?’
(beep)
‘Yes.’
(beep)
‘Hello?’
(beep)
‘Yes.’
(beep)
‘Honey?’
(beep)
‘Yes.’
(beep)
‘Do you want pizza tonight?’
(beep)
‘What?’
(beep)
‘Do you want pizza?’
(beep)
‘Pizza?’
(beep)
‘Yes, do you want pizza tonight?’
(beep)
‘Pizza?’
(beep)
‘Yes.’
(beep)
‘Okay.’
(beep)
‘Okay, so pizza is fine?’
(beep)
‘Yes.’
(beep)
‘Okay, hello?’
(beep)
‘Hello?’
(beep)
‘Hello?’
(beep)
‘Yes?’
(beep)
‘Hello?’
(beep)
‘Yes. Pizza is fine.’
(beep)
‘Yeah, do you want me to get it?’
(beep)
‘What?’
(beep)
‘Do you want me to get the pizza? ‘. Hello?’ Hello?’ Hello?’
(beep)
‘Yes?’
(beep)
‘Do you want me to get the pizza?’
(beep)
‘Okay.’
(beep)
‘Or can you pick it up?’
(beep)
‘What?’
(beep)
‘Can you pick up the pizza?’
(beep)
‘Hello?’
(beep)
Ad infinitum.
There should be no reason why someone should make anyone privy to their lives, unless we’ve voluntarily tuned in to some reality show. Sadly, the Nextel walkie-talkie phone has introduced us to a new level of hell. Now, when some rude, shameless schmuck in our proximity is plaguing us, we’ll no longer have to guess what the person on the other end must be saying. Instead, we’ll know. Immediately. Loudly. Unwillingly.
Thanks Nextel.


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