Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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In Retrospect, Our Town Seal Might Be Slightly Racist

whitesboro-seal

Fm: Sheriff Hawthorne
To: Mayor Timmins

Just FYI, some guy I pulled over for speeding said the town seal on our squad car was racist. Just looked at it and it looks like a white guy choking an Indian.

Fm: Mayor Timmins
To: Sheriff Hawthorne

Holy crap! I never looked at it before. What the hell is it?

Fm: Sheriff Hawthorne
To: Mayor Timmins

That’s what I mean. I kind of agree with the guy. It definitely looks like a white guy choking an Indian.

Fm: Mayor Timmins
To: Sheriff Hawthorne

Is he a black guy?

Fm: Sheriff Hawthorne
To: Mayor Timmins

No, he’s an Indian.

Fm: Mayor Timmins
To: Sheriff Hawthorne

I mean the guy you pulled over.

Fm: Sheriff Hawthorne
To: Mayor Timmins

No. Why?

Fm: Mayor Timmins
To: Sheriff Hawthorne

…White cop from Whitesboro… in car festooned with white guy choking Indian… pulls over a black guy… looks bad all around.

Just asked Margaret to look up the town seal thingy.

Fm: Sheriff Hawthorne
To: Mayor Timmins

OK. I’d like to give this guy an answer before I send him off. BTW, got another $140 for the town’s coffers! Lowering the speed limit to 15mph was genius.

Fm: Mayor Timmins
To: Sheriff Hawthorne

Thx! Margaret says it depicts a friendly wrestling match in the 1700s.

Fm: Sheriff Hawthorne
To: Mayor Timmins

There were Indians in Whitesboro?

Fm: Mayor Timmins
To: Sheriff Hawthorne

I guess? Maybe before Hugh White settled it.

Fm: Sheriff Hawthorne
To: Mayor Timmins

The more you learn! OK, I’ll tell the guy it’s just wrestling funsies.

Fm: Mayor Timmins
To: Sheriff Hawthorne

Margaret says they would wrestle the Indian then take his shirt. That’s why he doesn’t have a shirt.

Fm: Sheriff Hawthorne
To: Mayor Timmins

OK. Weird.

Fm: Mayor Timmins
To: Sheriff Hawthorne

Then they’d take his pants. And moccasins.

Fm: Sheriff Hawthorne
To: Mayor Timmins

Shit, Norman. That’s not wrestling. That’s just taking his stuff!

Fm: Mayor Timmins
To: Sheriff Hawthorne

You’re right. He’s totally strangling the dude! How did no one notice this? SMDH

Fm: Sheriff Hawthorne
To: Mayor Timmins

I’m just going to tell the guy it’s a friendly wrestling match. Pretty sure he won’t argue because I stopped him 20+ minutes ago.

Fm: Mayor Timmins
To: Sheriff Hawthorne

Tell him the white guy was gay.

Fm: Sheriff Hawthorne
To: Mayor Timmins

Why?

Fm: Mayor Timmins
To: Sheriff Hawthorne

For diversity? Never mind. Let me know what he says.

Fm: Sheriff Hawthorne
To: Mayor Timmins

I think he bought the friendly wrestling thing, but he wants to know why our traffic citations are adorned with swastikas.

Fm: Mayor Timmins
To: Sheriff Hawthorne

WTF, seriously?

Fm: Sheriff Hawthorne
To: Mayor Timmins

OMG! Never noticed.
:-(


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