Guilin Dispatch: A Four Hour Tour, a Four Hour Tour.

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip.

That started in Guilin, China aboard their tourist ships.

The scenery was magical, mountains all around;

But after near-miss 34, I thought we’d crash and drown.

The natives paddled up to us, to sell their souvenirs;

They stood outside the windows. We pretended they weren’t there.

We didn’t eat much lunch that day, after we realized;

They made it on the ship’s back deck… Not so sanitized. Not so sanitized.

Guilin is really gorgeous and the scenery’s the best;

Though most vivid: The English guy who puked on the hostess.