For Immediate Release
____________ grew up on the mean streets of ____________, living with ___ siblings and his mother in a dilapidated two-room apartment in the ____________ housing projects.
____________ never knew his father, a neighborhood ____________ who was ____________ to death in a barroom brawl in February ____________. A chip off the old block, ____________ already had a considerable rap sheet by age ____, and was known to law enforcement as a member of the ____________ Gang. Various arrests for everything from ____________ to ____________ saw to it that ____________ was in and out of jail ___ times before he was ___ years old. It was during these years that ____________ saw a career in music as his only possible way out of the ‘hood.
He has an amazing capacity for survival, narrowly escaping _____ attempts on his life. But rather than being dominated by fear, he considers those attempts and subsequent scars from his ____________ wounds to be points of pride, proof that he’s no poser. Rather, ____________ wants people know he’s earned his reputation as a man who was shaped by a rough & tumble life. He insists that his boisterous lyrics, which his detractors find controversial and ____________, are not posturing but rather a true slice of Gangsta life
“I’m the real deal,” says ____________.
____________’s longtime mentor was ____________, who just last week was ____________while sitting in his ____________, an apparent victim of the East & West coast record label rivalry that has claimed ____________ of the genre’s luminaries so far. Though the authorities have few solid leads on the homicide, ____________ seems to think he knows who is ultimately responsible. But he isn’t talking about it.
____________’s latest endeavor, ____________________, is his best yet. Fans are sure not to be disappointed with pull-no-punches tracks such as “_____________________” and the current #___ Billboard hit, “_____________________.”
_____________________ is available at all _____-_____ stores.
Convenient Gangsta Press Release
For Immediate Release
Eh, I know this is an old post, but new to me. I have a few criticisms on it (well, actually quite a few, but I’ll trim it down to the Top ___).
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great template. When certain types of news releases become so monotonously regular and no one reads them anyway, one might as well save valuable time. But it could be tightened up for those suckers who might actually read the rant-by-numbers article.
Firstly, it would be a gift to readers to reveal the whole point of the article via a clause in the first line.
_______, [well known/ up-and-coming rapper/lead singer/hitman for _____ ] [whose new album/probation officer _____ has just been released/announced/etc] grew up on the (some random adjectival variety here can easily be programmed: [mean/brutal/cacaphonous/stinky]) streets of …
Ah, come on – there is nothing less monotonous, both visually and sub-vocally, than beginning the first two paragraphs with the same word, let alone the same name. (You repeat this laziness in paras 5&6 as well.) And for gods’ sakes, tighten up your sentences, trim some fat, save virtual ink!
Sample: “Essentially fatherless during his reprobate sire’s protracted absences in [Hawaii / prison / the drunk tank] until his death in ______, _______ nevertheless proved his parentage without a costly DNA test by racking up an impressive rap sheet (blah, blah, blah).”
The third paragraph is not worth commenting on. You’ve missed a golden opportunity to play on the word “rap”. And the only label that should sign a guy who says, “I’m the real deal” is MacDonalds.
Otherwise, I was quite amused by it. If I knew shit-all about programming, it would inspire me to write one that would spew out adjective-laden, mismatched simile-soaked, imminently unreadable articles – just for the hell of it. With any luck, I should be released in, oh, 5-7 years for abstaining behavior?
Great site, keep up the good work.