Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Take Your Debtor To Work Day

07:33 Pick Adam up at his East Village apartment. I remind him he owes me $800. He says he’s got a check coming in today. Wants to take a taxi.
07:59 Arrive outside the office. Adam says he doesn’t have any cash for the taxi until he hits an ATM. Sees a Starbucks across the street and says he has a gift card he got for Christmas.
08:14 Adam’s gift card only has 37 cents left on it, forcing me to front the remainder of his venti mocha. “Venti” means “large” in Starbucksese.
08:20 Adam wants to “take a quick look” at Murray’s Bagels because he’s heard they’re legendary. Takes a quick look. Asks me to order a garlic bagel with smoked salmon while he runs to the Chase ATM.
08:32 Adam returns outraged at Chase because there’s no money in his account. Insists they made a big error they’re going to pay for. Reminds me a check should be coming in today.
08:44 Arrive at office.
08:58 Adam is bored.
09:17 Adam calls Chase customer service to sort out his account and demand answers.
09:23 Adam receives an answer: He forgot he’d written a check when he impulse-purchased Rock Band for his Xbox.
11:40 Starts asking if I have lunch plans.
12:10 Reminds me it’s lunch time.
12:50 Really wants to go to lunch.
1:08 Adam heard BLT Burger was good. Says lunch is on him, courtesy of his Visa card.
2:02 Lunch at BLT Burger was good. Adam’s Visa card is declined.
2:22 Adam calls Visa to demand answers. Outrage trails off and becomes humility. Apologizes for bouncing check.
03:30 Adam asks when we’re leaving.
04:01 Adam asks when we’re leaving.
04:32 Adam asks if we can leave now.
04:59 Adam wants to leave.
05:15 Adam begs me to leave.
05:36 Adam hails a cab even though we were waiting for the cross-town bus.
06:02 Arrive at Adam’s apartment. Has no cash but offers me a Metrocard that “might have a fare or two on it.” He suggests I tip the driver well because his English was perfect and we should reward that.
06:05 Adam’s mailbox contains an announcement about the Barney’s warehouse sale, the latest Time Out New York, and an urgent letter from American Asset Recovery. Adam is outraged and insists there should have been a check.
06:06 Adam asks what I’m doing for dinner.


Previously

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