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From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Dr. Abu’s Triumphant Re-Return

Amazingly, incredibly, unbelievably, I have been contacted by “Dr. Abu” again.
To fully appreciate the Doctor, you’d have to be familiar with the Nigerian Email Experiment saga on Banterist. In the experiment, I managed to waste an incredible amount of a Nigerian con artist’s time by delaying his request for my bank information, phone number and everything else. I posed as a dupe named “Michael Bloomberg” from New York. As time dragged on the Doctor got more illiterate, and annoyed. Eventually he told me off and disappeared. It was gorgeous.
All I can imagine is that this nitwit got his cons mixed up again, as I assumed he did after the first time he re-connected with me. (See: The Return of Doctor Abu) These guys aren’t that bright, and they’re running several different cons at the same time. After all, they have to email blast half the planet for starters.
And so the con continues…


The email arrives, quite unexpectedly. Like a delightful gift from Heaven. Abu’s grammar has not improved during the long absence.

From: abu hassan
Subject: HAPPY NEW
Date: 5 Jan 2004
DEAR BROTHER,
HOW ARE YOU TODAY PLS CAN YOU CALL ME PHONE SO THAT I CAN GIVE YOU MORE INFORMANTION ABOUT THE FUND NOW. TWO I WILL LIKE YOU TO RECOMFORM
YOUR BANK ACCOUNT INFO
DR. ABU HASSAN

A reply is crafted. I chose to ignore the fact that when he last contacted me he was very annoyed at all my beating around the bush.


From: Michael Bloomberg
Subject: Re: HAPPY NEW
Date: 6 Jan 2004
Dear Brother! Happy New to you too! I am glad you are well and hope you had a Merry. Did it snow in Lagos? It didn’t snow in New York this year but since I am very good in business that did not bother me. I hope you received many presents from the good Lord Santa.
You made a mistake in your message to me, and I don’t mean the typing in all caps or the spelling. Rather – the fact that you presume I have your phone number! I thought it was a mistake and then I realized you were making a joke for me, such as “call me” but there is no number. Ha ha! This is very funny, and just like I am good in business you are good in the comedy. This reminds me of very good jokes by comedian Yakov Smirnoff who died when the wall came down.
But please – if you remember your phone number (no more jokes!) I can call you on the telly-phone and we can discuss the importance of being earnest bank information.
Warm,
Michael


And we wait for a reply…

As of 1/9/2004, still waiting eagerly. Perhaps the Good Doctor has caught on for the third time.


Previously

Complaint: Misdemeanor placing of the word station in quotes when quotes are only used to identify attribution or the unusual/dubious status of a word; engraving said misdemeanor on a plaque and affixing plaque to brick …

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