Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Miscellany


What it’s Like to be Attacked by a Monkey

Most of us will go through our lives without being attacked by a monkey. That’s a pleasant statistical fact. Unless you are an organ grinder or work in a zoo, you have no day-to-day experience with monkeys. Your day consists of thoughts like I am going to get a pumpkin spice latte or I need…


Tip: How Commas Work

Commas are quite small, yet they pack a lot of punch as far as being able to completely alter the meaning of a sentence. Let’s say you wanted an iPhone and were forced to sign a contract with its sole service “provider” AT&T. And let’s say that the coverage with AT&T is so bad that…



Storked Begets Rattled

Last April, when my book came out, Christine Coppa invited me to come in and guest blog on her ridiculously popular weblog Storked! which is part of the Glamour Magazine empire. Speaking of Glamour, I wrote a little piece for them years ago and while I don’t remember what I said, I do remember they paid $3 a word. Good times. Good times.


Ask A Talentless Mime

Were you pretending to poke someone in the stomach? No. I was hoping to convey that I was in an elevator and pressing the button repeatedly, as if the elevator was not moving. Why did you feign shaving your fist? That was peeling a banana. Your “walking against the wind” routine at the end was…


Invisible Suit – FAQ

Why wear an invisible suit? There are many reasons people wear invisible suits. Often times they are in lines of work that require them to be invisible. Some individuals feel thinner and less visible when wearing an invisible suit. Other times they are shy and want to dramatically avoid eye contact. Does anyone famous wear…




Lesser Known Cosmic Events

Beige Holes Not-so-supernovas Planetary Dawdling Confused Nebulae Unenthusiastic Binary Stars Average Orbits Quasar Farts Over-twinkling Unhappy White Giants When a Nebula looks like the Michelin Man if you squint enough. The Pulsar Pride parades of Wolf-357 Andromeda Waving Back Hubble By Proxy