Dear Potential Franchisee:

I got me a question.

When you're walking around the neighborhood, and whatnot, and you want to tag something, what's the number one motherfucking thing you think of, motherfucker?

That right. Neckface.

Now, what if I were to tell you that you have the opportunity, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, to be a Neckface distributor? Bitch, there's no doubt you're thinking what a prime motherfucking opportunity you have right there.

Neckface is the number one distributor of Neckface-related graffiti throughout the entire city of New York. We're expanding rapidly. And as we grow, we're adding new members to the Neckface team. That's where you come in, motherfucker.

A Neckface franchise offers you unlimited motherfucking growth potential. There's a lot of surface to cover in this city. Shit. You could tag all day and not even make a dent in this market. Supply, demand, whatever. It's all good.

With Neckface, you're your own boss. You work your own hours. You set the rules. There ain't no punk manager telling you how it is. This is your thing.

We guarantee market exclusivity in your franchise area. You see some motherfucker tagging Neckface in your area, that ain't cool. Just tell us. We'll present his ass with the Neckface Franchise Agreement - and bet your ass he's gonna get the fuck up outa there. Or she. Neckface is an equal opportunity employer.

And for money? Shit. This shit's priceless.

The start-up costs for a Neckface franchise are minimal. And franchisee training is even minimaler. In fact, if you're looking for a ground-floor opportunity and whatnot, Neckface is some serious shit. Don't fuck this up. I'm serious.

If you're serious about this shit too, and want the motherfucking opportunity of a lifetime, I'll be at the construction site of the new Union Square Whole Foods. They've got some plywood up there, and I sense an opportunity.

I'm in the yellow jacket. Bring $5.

©Brian Sack | Filed under: Satire | 9 Comments | Email to a Friend
Tags: Letters | Marketing