Grammar Cop: Swiss Miss

Defendant: Swiss Gold, Inc.
Count 1: Misdemeanor misspelling of “diamond.”
Count 2: Misdemeanor misspelling of “diamond” when you are in a business that centers around diamonds.
Count 3: Omission of “gold” so as to create “carat” and “karat” confusion.
Count 4: Rendering all errors permanent by affixing them to granite on the side of a large retail structure.
Count 5: Displaying spelling errors in a high-traffic public venue.
Count 6: Coming to work every day, for God knows how long, and not noticing this.
Report: Officer was on patrol in the Avoidable District of Manhattan for no other reason than he wanted a change of venue. The crime was visible from a distance because of its height, Trump-like gold color, and the fact that it was on the side of a building. The crime is especially heinous because the correct spelling of diamond is hanging on a sign in the window.
Fine: Diamonds. Lots of them.