Defendant: Chili’s Restaurants, a wholly owned subsidiary of Brinker International (NYSE: EAT).
Count 1: Negligent apostrophe usage in the construction of a possessive.
Count 2: Mass distribution of grammatical malfeasance.
Count 3: Distribution of grammatical malfeasance across state lines.
Report: Officer Graeber of the SFPD Morphology & Syntax Crimes Unit was off-duty and, unfortunately, at Chili’s. Officer was perusing the drink menu in an effort to find a sugary alcoholic beverage with a name concocted by an advertising agency, with which she intended to dull the pain of being inside a Chili’s. It was during this time that the officer spotted the infraction and recorded the evidence so that she could report it to her superiors when she was back on-duty and not at Chili’s.
Fine: Seizure & destruction of all offending materials. 85 pounds of baby back ribs.