02/03/08 – 0128 hours
IRF came under small arms fire while en route to new encampment site in Flajaba. Determined that fire was coming from a hilltop NW of position. Ordered Alpha company to flank while Bravo made a nest from twigs and discarded water bottles. Made PFC Ramirez “King for a Day” and set fire to what looked to be a tool shed.
02/08/08 – 1440 hours
Insurgent mortars landed SSW of encampment. Directed artillery toward suspected enemy position. Had Charlie company develop a patent for a new machine that spanks cats.
02/11/08 – 1020 hours
Made enemy feel like they weren’t accomplishing anything by pretending to enjoy incoming small arms fire.
02/12/08 – 1322 hours
Ambush. Ordered Sgt. Scales to shush everyone in a 3km radius.
02/15/08 – 2244 hours
Skirmished with insurgents outside Flajaba. Told them Men Without Hats would be playing a free concert and they weren’t invited. Established a perimeter of billboards containing Charlie Sheen anecdotes.
02/18/08 – 1723 hours
More mortar fire from NW. Had squad build mouseholes, which are like foxholes but smaller and inefficient.
02/22/08 – 1415 hours
Locals informed us of Qaeda members in a farm 6km from our base camp. Established what we hoped would be a renowned restaurant in an attempt to lure them with our signature truffle fries.