Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

Menu

Yelp Review: Morgenstern’s Fine Ice Cream

I grew up in the 70s as the child of an executive at Howard Johnson’s. The only flavor in my freezer was Howard Johnson’s Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream.

However, I did not like Howard Johnson’s Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream.

I have to wonder how much different life would be if I’d had access to “Fernet Black Walnut” ice cream. Granted, I don’t know what a fernet is and I’ll be damned if I’m going to bother Googling it, but I would have preferred that to Mint Chocolate Chip any day of the week. I’m sorry Mr. Johnson.

My children – unaware how spoilt for choice they are – nonchalantly chose Passionfruit Apricot Sorbet and Green Tea Pistachio from the menu of flavors I had been wrongfully denied during my childhood. This reminds me, I need to regale them with stories of how I grew up with no iPad and only Mint Chocolate Chip. They love those stories.

After agonizing over choices like Salted Pretzel and Salt & Pepper Pinenut I opted for Salted Chocolate. There seems to be a salt theme, which I’m fine with as my body is mainly sodium and wine.

I also recall Vietnamese Coffee. Speaking of, I still haven’t forgiven Jane Fonda.

 


 

 

Like everyone else, I review things on Yelp.


Previously

My night table was not where I thought it was. As a result, my beloved iPhone 5S was placed on top of oxygen atoms which are sadly lacking in solidity. Had I placed the phone …

Next

My dream was to pay a lot of dollars to navigate a tiny plot of sweat-drenched real estate in the dark while a tiny man with a microphone shouted orders over soulless uptempo music. I …