Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

Menu

The Dog Dialed 911

In keeping with my policy of reviewing relevant books sent to me by publishers: a look at The Dog Dialed 911.
dog dialed 911.jpg
SUMMARY
For nearly ten years The Smoking Gun website has dug up the dirt on criminals, celebrities and celebrity criminals. Like the website, The Dog Dialed 911 is a collection of mug shots, legal documents and letters people probably wish they hadn’t written.
What is free in electronic form has now been printed, bound and is available for purchase.
ORIGINS OF BOOK’S TITLE
The title is a reference to a dog that accidentally dialed 911 when he stepped on his owner’s mobile phone. This attracted the attention of the police who discovered 150 marijuana plants at the man’s home. Under the country’s mandatory drug sentencing laws this most likely means the owner will not be able to feed his dog for quite some time.
HONEST APPRAISAL
There is a good chance I would have purchased this book had they not sent it to me for free.
BOOKSHELF LOCALE
With other large books, next to The Onion’s Our Dumb Century and the Book of the SubGenius I never returned to Corry.
FOOD ANALOGY
The Dog Dialed 911 is like Bit O’Honey. It is very enjoyable in small amounts.
LIKELY READING POSITION
Sur la toilette or near a coffee table.

QUOTES ABOUT BOOKS AND THEIR RELEVANCE,
USING A RATING SCALE OF 1-10:

PORTABILITY
A wonderful thing about a book, in contrast to a computer screen, is that you can take it to bed with you. – Daniel J. Boorstein
The Dog Dialed 911 is a large book which makes it an unlikely candidate for subway usage. It is improbable for air travel as TSA thinks it could be used to conceal a bomb, so it will be confiscated along with your son’s Snickers.
SCORE: 3
INTELLECTUAL FRONTAGE
There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it. -Bertrand Russell
Though the book is definitely enjoyable, boasting that you’re reading a compendium of humorous police reports and legal affidavits is unlikely to help you bed an intellectual. However, it does imply you love assailing pop culture which will endear you to the snark set and guys in Ché shirts.
SCORE: 4
COVER-TO-COVER CONSUMPTION
I read part of it all the way through. -Samuel Goldwyn
As this is a compendium one may very well choose to tackle random pages out of sequence. However, the odds are one will be returning to it with frequency during cocktail parties and bathroom breaks. This increases the odds you will technically “finish” reading it, as opposed to Voltaire’s Bastards which hurts my brain three pages in.
SCORE: 8
IMPULSE PURCHASE POTENTIAL
Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore? -Henry Ward Beecher
It’s hard to go wrong with this book, especially as a gift. It does not have a discernible political stance, is easy to read, and implies you think the recipient has some semblance of a sense of humor.
SCORE: 10
HAD I BEEN ASKED FOR A BACK-OF-BOOK QUOTE FOR THE DOG DIALED 911
“A collection of Freedom Of Information Act goodness as gritty and enjoyable as Paris Hilton’s crotch.”

The Dog Dialed 911 on Amazon.


Previously

Your New Monkey was originally designed to traumatize a good friend, but I see no reason not to share it with the general public. If you've ever wanted to send a friend or worthy adversary a …

Next

Last week, or whenever it was, I asked you for suggestions regarding a name for my step-brother's steakhouse. I didn't want to limit you or put ideas in your head so I gave you very …