Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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The Baha Men Commission Report

bahamenreport.jpg

Preface (xvi):
“We learned that the institutions charged with protecting our border, civil aviation, and national security did not understand how grave this threat could be, and did not adjust their policies, plans and practices to deter the dogs from getting out.”
Page 26:
Military Notification And Response
NORAD: We have a report the dogs got out. Can you confirm?
ASPCA: Repeat, please.
NORAD: CENTCOM is telling us the dogs got out. Can you confirm?
ASPCA: Dogs?
NORAD: Yes.
ASPCA: Let me check. [8 second silence] Yes, they got out.
NORAD: Who let the dogs out?
ASPCA: Who?
NORAD: Who.
Page 81:
“The INS initiated but failed to bring to completion two efforts that would have provided inspectors with information relative to the objective of dogs not getting out – a proposed system to track canine movements, and an incentive system centered around small biscuits.”
Page 101:
“Say, a doggie is nuttin’ if he don’t have a bone. All doggie hold ya bone, all doggie hold it.”
Page 191:
usmap.jpg
Page 265:
“Deep institutional failings in our government were exploited. The question is whether extra vigilance might have turned up an opportunity to keep the dogs in.”
Page 327:
“Most disturbing to this committee is the fact that since their release in 2000, neither the Baha Men nor the United States government have answers. This committee finds it unacceptable that to this date when asked who let the dogs out all we can answer is: Who?


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