Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Me vs. Sesame Place

SUPREME COURT OF THE STATE OF NEW YORK
COUNTY OF NEW YORK
—————————————-X
BRIAN SACK AKA DAD
PLAINTIFF
VS.
SESAME PLACE
DEFENDANT
—————————————-X
Plaintiff, complaining as he does about many things, alleges as follows:
1. That plaintiff is a resident of New York.
2. That defendant, Sesame Place amusement park, is located somewhere in Pennsylvania, conveniently located only 90 minutes from Manhattan assuming you use your fancy GPS device properly.
3. That prior to incident, plaintiff had a long-term childhood relationship with Sesame Street, fond memories of Sesame Street, and considered Sesame Street a friend and by extension assumed Sesame Place was filled with friendly characters and honest Muppetry.
4. That on the morning of Sunday, 14 October 2007, plaintiff brought his three-year old son to Sesame Place with the expectation that they would have a pleasant father-son adventure away from home while giving plaintiff’s wife a well-deserved break.
5. That plaintiff first began to experience doubts and discomfort approximately eight seconds after arriving at Sesame Place, when he was charged $13 for parking in an empty lot.
6. That upon arrival at the front entrance to the park, plaintiff was financially assaulted and egregious harm caused to his wallet when Sesame Place removed $95.94 from it for admission for one adult and one child.
7. That when confronted, the be-pimpled ticketing clerk did say, “Yeah, I think it’s lame we charge adults the same as we charge the kids, especially since you don’t enjoy the rides.”
8. That upon entering the park plaintiff was immediately asked if he wanted a photograph for an undisclosed sum.
9. That while in the park, plaintiff was forced to carry his child’s unnecessary jacket and other items because storage lockers were rented for no less than $15.
10. That during lunch hours, plaintiff paid exactly $20 for: one hot dog with fries, one individual pizza with fries, one gelatin parfait and one bottle of water.
11. That the “individual pizza” was misidentified and was in fact a tablespoon of dough with a red stain on it.
12. That half the park was rendered useless because water-based attractions are somewhat unfeasible in October.
13. That carnival games such as “ring toss”, “fishing”, “whack a potato” and “ball toss” were $5 each to play.
14. That a video copy of plaintiff and son riding the “Vapor Trail” roller coaster was $13.95 plus tax.
15. That a bottle of water delivered via vending machine was priced at $2.50, while the same bottle of water delivered via overweight Pennsylvania teenager was $2.79.
16. That, during the time spent at Sesame Place, plaintiff felt in danger of financial assault at every turn and felt great concern that his son would see his father suffering financial abuse at the hands of Muppets.
17. That, having had his childhood Sesame Street memories shattered by Sesame Place, plaintiff has suffered emotional and financial trauma at the hands of Elmo and his fellow racketeers.
18. That, unable to endorse Sesame Street any further, plaintiff must seek alternate television programming to raise his son with. But not Dora the Explorer because she shouts at you in Spanish.
19. That plaintiff can no longer work or function in a normal capacity as a result of mental duress and serious injury to various and diverse parts of his person and that this suffering is of a permanent nature.
20. That plaintiff will forever seek psychiatric and financial assistance as a result of his visit to Sesame Place.
21. That plaintiff fears his son will suffer emotional trauma when he requests to return to Sesame Place and the request is denied.
WHEREFORE, plaintiff demands judgment against the defendant for indecent pricing, financial assault, exposing financial assault to a minor, reckless charging and unlawful pizza.
Dated: 18 October 2007


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