Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Ben Podcasts From A Trunk

Hi, it’s my first podcast, so I hope it comes out well. I have a great microphone and about two hours left on my laptop. And I’m locked in the trunk of a car, so if you hear me, please come help me.
Anyway, the topic of my first podcast is the new Xbox 360, which I’m really excited about. I’m just a little distracted at the moment, because it’s very dark except for the glow of my PowerBook. I’m locked in a trunk and the air is very heavy. But the Xbox 360 looks absolutely great, it’s got a gorgeous design which I can’t really appreciate as I’m locked in a trunk. But it’s great, and you can stand it up on its end or have it lying flat, like I am doing since I was clubbed by a guy in a clown mask and thrown in the trunk.
Xbox wisely had a good selection of games available for the 360, something they failed to offer with the launch of the original Xbox. It’s hot in here. If you remember, they came out with the original Xbox and there were only a handful of games available, while PlayStation had tons. Please. I know I’ve made some mistakes, notably sleeping with Kemara, and if that’s the reason I’m in the trunk, I understand fully. Lesson learned. Just please get me out of the trunk. The fact of the matter is Kemara is not a good match for you, and I’m sorry you had to find out this way. It wasn’t personal, it just happened. I didn’t plan anything, but you obviously planned on putting me in the trunk. Get me out of here and I won’t tell the police.
So, the Xbox 360 has a 500 Mhz ATI graphics processor which really gives it the ability to bring games to life. That and the fact that it’s optimized for HDTV means that with the right set-up, you’re in the middle of the action. Please help me. From Ridge Racer to Test Drive to Quake, the graphics are absolutely stunning. Is anyone there? Carl?
The 360 has a 3-core CPU, and each core runs at 3.2 GHz. That gives you blazing speeds, so you can say goodbye to load screens and lag. So stuffy in here. The wireless controller lets you say goodbye to being “tied down” with wires which I realize is why I can’t move my legs. My legs are tied. Why not my hands? I’m just going to pound the trunk a sec. Anybody there?
The wireless controller works 30 feet from the console, which is great of course. I just feel so claustrophobic in here. This isn’t funny. I don’t know if it was Carl in the clown mask. It all happened very quickly. Please help me. I think there’s no air in here. It’s running out, I’m sure. Wireless controller.
One of the real – help. Help. One of the real great features, of course, is Xbox Live – the multiplayer community that lets you really connect with other Xbox players. Anybody? There are several advancements and I’m so tired. I’m sure it was Carl. I’m falling asleep. I could be dying. Please open the trunk! If you like this podcast, check out my Xbox fansite for more. Oh my God the car is starting.


Previously

Defendant: Organic Dry Cleaning, Seventh Ave. Count 1: Misdemeanor spelling. Count 2: Display of said error in a high-traffic public venue. Description: Officer Oyo of the Chelsea Grammatical Vice Squad witnessed the infraction, noting an increase in such …

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