I am tramatized just reading that one...

so archaic...yet alarmingly similar to the restrooms at the Jersey Gardens Outlet mall...

No, now THIS is truly Fear Factor.

Not to mention, just how does one actually relax himself enough to give the entire miserable experience a fruitful end?

"For the penised"

Best line EVER.

I'll bet you miss that German shelf toilet now, don't you?

I have the unfortunate fortune to know first-hand that everything you just said is entirely accurate. Oh, how I loved the hotels with "American" toilets.

Over 10 years ago, I stayed at a hotel in Chengdu that I don't remember the name of but had been converted from an old fall out shelter in the middle of town. You had to go down some stairs and through a lounge lit by black lights where Chinese men would go to meet women other than their wives before you got to some concrete halls with about an inch of water on the floor. The rooms had no private bathrooms (of course) and the public bathroom was the most horrific place I've ever been. All of the facilities were just two foot long six inch deep concrete troughs, all stacked high with excrement. The unrinal trough was even full of it. I finally was not able to hold it any more and made the trek past the water heaters to that facilities. I unzipped my pants and looked down long enough to see a black rodent or very large roach scamper across my toes. I then quickly zipped up and was able to hold it until I had made the 20 minute walk to the fancy hotel with the clean bathrooms.

While I blanched at the toilets in Amsterdam, and was paralyzed in terror at the door-less stalls at West Point, nothing can top what I just read. I'm never leaving the Western Hemisphere.

Gosh, It's really a mystery how the SARS virus and Avian flu seem to have establish their original foothold from this area....

I will take an East Texas out house over that nastiness. Great post!

As my mom says, "It is better to stand where others have stood than to sit where others have sat."

Or, perhaps, sit where others have shat.

Never leaving the Western Hemisphere??? That won't protect you. The worst I ever saw (and used) were in France. And yes, I have been to Asia. At least in France the rooms were less well lit, making it easier to pretend you were somewhere else and not a "miserable tourist sqautting over a poo hole."

There are still quite a few of those in bars in my hometown (La Coruña, Spain)

We used to call using them "skating" :)

A friend of mine who has traveled a lot in Asia says the best way to use the squatter and not get your clothes dirty is to just take your pants and underwear off and hang 'em over the door.

You gotta figure you're already squatting over a hole in the floor. How much more undignified could you possibly get by stripping naked from the waist down?

Oh man...make it stop. I have had similar experiences related to me by friends who have made the trek to China. My wife thinks the reason I have no desire to visit the palce is because it is so crowded. HA! It's actually the poo hole that keeps me away.

Hey - In "Nurse Anne Tries To Reflect On Africa" I've got potty pix similar to these out the wazoo (so to speak).

Good God! I am laughing so hard right now that my office mates think I'm on some sort of "happy" meds! This one goes in the hall of fame.

I once heard a story about a Peace Corp worker in Africa who had a "squaty" catastrophe. Apparently, the village toilets were in a hut up on stilts above a large collection tub. The excrement would be collected to be used a fertilizer for the crops. (By the way, when travelling in the developing world, make sure your food is thoroughly cooked.) It seems that this hut was not well constructed and/or in need of repairs. Late one night the Peace Corp worker went to use the facilities and the floor boards collapsed beneath him. The hut was far enough away that no one could hear his screams for help and he was not discovered until morning. I was told that this was the only time that a Peace Corp worker had to be medivaced out of this part of Africa for psychological reasons.

Reason #193 to keep China out of the top ten cultures I want to experience.

Hey it could have been worse... You didn't have diarrhea. Now that was fun time!

I was stationed in Okinawa for a short period of time in the 70s and was a young man then. I was unaware of this sort of a toilet "option" and there was no mention of it during arrival briefings. During an evening outing on the town for drinks with friends, I had a need to use the facilities and was directed to the location. I was quite shocked when I entered what appeared to me to be a shower stall with a large drain hole. Thankfully I only needed to take a leak.

I suppose the people that manufacture colostomy bags could use this in their new ad campaign. "It could be worse. You could be squatting in China."

Brilliant. Hilarious.

I will never, ever travel to China.

I did that once in Italy in 1996. As soon as I finished, and I was traumatized and bent over like a prisoner exiting a dungeon, I went another 25 feet and saw a real toilet for fussy women like me! Rule number one: Exhaust all possibilities ... and then keep going!

You're all a bunch of sheltered pansies. Grow up.

You are hilarious. I remember when i went to China and found out about the squatty pottys, i freaked. I tried to hold it the best i could. my aunt kept telling me "that is cleaner than the toilets in the US." I don't know what the hell she was smoking. but i made sure to eat as little as possible and drink as little as possible until i got to running water.

Yah, I agree with Rob's friend. After living in Taiwan for 13 years, the only way to get out unscathed (at least for "the penised" is to remove pants/underwear. Even then, if you have been sampling the local delicacies, and if you are as (in)flexible as I am, your feet and ankles are in danger of, well, let's just say they are in danger and leave it at that. Having said that, visiting places like Taiwan and China makes you realize what a great country we live in, eh?

Good God, man! That's positively barbaric! Might I suggest carrying a small spade or shovel and voiding in a vacant lot? With most of the paved areas bathed in a liberal coating of phlegm, I doubt anyone would care about your BM locales.

I need therapy having only read that. You truly are the man for having lived it and now having shared your pain with others. Thanks for the heads up!

Hey, I like being a sheltered pansy!
This way I can go experience wonderful stuff like this, then aspire to write fantastic blogs about it. You make my day, Banterist!

Having traveled extensively in the Far East, courtesy of Uncle Sam, I can attest to the fact that the instructions offered here are accurate and should be heeded AT ALL COSTS!!
Now, changing in a US Navy ship'd berthing compartment will cure you of any semblance of modesty or shyness, which is excellent preparation for the use of the Squat Toilet. It is also superb training for those times when you wish to forgo the opportunity to use the squat toilet (ever have your nose hairs vaporized by an outdoor toilet smell? Try the pubic toilets in Korea! I heartily endorse it!)and decide, instead, that maybe peeing in the street with a curtain of your friends (Navy guys are really helpful this way) standing guard and the Korean police looking on is truly the option you are looking for.

B: Scat? Really, you're funny without it.

Plywood carpaccio? Good, but I always liked the 'Clint Eastwood' comparison: rough, tough and takes no shit off anyone.

This post made me collapse a lung and stop breathing due to hysterical laughter. There is nothing feminine about me while I read your posts. Except the fact that am unpenised. And at that definition, some may shake their fists. But screw them.

Anyway. I too had to do this once. Later that day, my family found me in the fetal position, crying.

What a horraneous experience it was...just trying not to fall ass first into the hole. I think that were that to have happened, I would have stayed there, frozen in place like some insect with it's legs and arms flailing in the air.

"Plywood carpaccio". LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLL. Gives new meaning to "what a sorry bum".

I am in love with you, Mr. Blogger.

m

nothing beats seeing your friend using one of these things...sitting on it with their feet straight out in front of them...no joke!!!!

this is one of the funniest things i've ever read. i was laughing in my cubicle. out loud.

Last year I went to Indonesia with my girlfriend. We drove by train from baturaden to the harbour to go to Bali.The train was crowded with local people transporting all kind of fruit & vegetables. I had the most terrifying diarrea ever. So i had to go to a squat toilet with no lock, next to a bag of banana's while maintaining balance in a moving train. Terrible ;-)

I spent three weeks in Okinawa this spring. While the lady's toilet in the Japanese McDonalds contained a Washlet (a toilet with a hot-water bidet included!) the upscale local department store (Jusco) had a squatty potty.

I was told by an Englishwoman who lives there that she would rather use these than a regular sit-down toilet as, "...you don't have to touch anything." Just for the record, that's not exactly how my experience with using one turned out...

Then there are the french squat toilets like the one I found in a little mountain village in the Alps. The toilet had an auto-flush mechanism whereby a reservoir filled with water and, when it reached capacity, flushed the water through a pipe at the back of the toilet sending a cascade of two-inch deep water across the toilet opening and over the foot-pads. Fortunately I only used this toilet to urinate; even then it was a race against time which required waiting until a flush cycle completed, then rushing to pee into the hole and finish before the next flush cycle washed vile toilet water across your shoes.

China is not alone. Such toilets are found throughout the Middle East, though thankfully not so often in large cities like Cairo. So when you need to nip into the local eatery near the Pyramids or Dome of the Rock to use the "facilities", you are warned.

My friend, who travelled frequently to China, claims that he was in a public toilet that smelled so bad that the flies wouldn't go in. He would always carry a gun and a knife when entering the toilet -- in case he fell in he wanted to be able to kill himself quickly!

Well, now I know what the bins are for.

You guys are missing out. The freedom achieved when one is able to commit such a private act in any (ANY) circumstances, regardless of stench, germs, gagging, etc., all while in full view of Chinese men and women who are all eager to see if that American guys genitalia are as strange as the rest of him, should be the envy of any buddhist on any mountaintop in any part of the world. Yes, nothing makes you more one than shitting in oublic while squatting in squalor.

That description was priceless and very apt. I'm having Osaka train station flashbacks as I write. Eww, & again eww. There's a reason squalor and squat have the same root.

I used to think I was unfortunate to suffer from severe constipation while on trips away from home. The last time I was in Europe (France and Italy), I didn't shit for 8 days, plenty of time to find a sit-down flush toilet. Now I know how fortunate I am to have this "problem".

I found that peeing on the floor to clear away the worst of the nuggets helped, along with the added bonus of knowing its mostly your stuff.

Laughing hysterically! Instant classic! The port a potty's during mardi gras here in new orleans might give your poo hole a run for it's money, though. You should try one that's been sitting out for mardi gras for scientific comparison.

Not as bad as you think!

Squat is the best anatomical position for this.

Just always bring your own toilet paper.

Keep lose clothing from touching anything.

Maintain good balance, which is not that difficult.

They have these, along with regular toilets, in the brand new Japan airports!
I've seen these in Yantai, China made by American Standard!!

ha! Guy I know fell into the squat toilet he was using which happened to be on a train (bumpy ride) only to have an Indian woman open the door to find him sitting shocked in the poo hole! Serves him right I say he was a complete git!

I must've been in China too long -- over two years now -- cause I don't even think about using squat toilets anymore. But I still remember when I first came here; I followed Rule One like it was part of the Ten Commandments: thou shalt not poo a filthy hole! Time and circumstance has changed all that, but reading this brought the original trauma flooding back into my mind. It also made me laugh my ass off. Thanks!

Ever been to the bathroom, so to speak, at the Vatican? It is just like the picture except that you pay to have t.p. issued to you.

First experience with the squat toilet was in Greece for the Olympics. I stayed at a camp and shared a room with about 20 other women. The bathroom contained the standard, (God Bless) American style toilet and a squatter. Each night when we returned from Athens, 19 women could be found dancing around the bathroom, legs tightly clasped together, waiting for the American toilet.

Just got back from a trip to Asia, which included 3 days in China. Thankfully, I had to use this type only twice, as my balance is not so hot. I learned to limit my liquids, search for REAL toilets, and hold it a LONG time. How anyone could prefer this contraption is beyond me.

Huh, a large number of people on Earth use this kind of toilets... Or no toilets at all... The WC was only invented 150 years ago. There are people who say the squat position is much much better, that you can get out most of the poo unlike when yo are sitting, and supposedly in the ocuntries where they use those toilets they have barely no gastrointestinal dieases, colon cancers etc. Supposedly bowel movements are easier in a suqatting position.
Personally I still prefer to sit, I have had the 'pleasure' of using such toilets here in my country and have soiled myself, plus it is hard if you don't use them everyday to be used to keeping balance, but after reading those people's explanations it makes sense to me, especially since it is the natural position everyone adopts when we don't have toilets around.
When you think about it, we humans weren't made to shit while sitting. But to people used to clean Western toilets, these toilets are too filthy, even if they might supposedly reduce the number of cancers, constipations, bowel inflammations etc.
So I am wondering if the best toilet wouldn't be a toilet that's just barely above the ground, which would allow you to sit, and squat at the same time? If the squat position truly is better. Personally I never pooed in them (too scared) i only did my small business, so I have'nt tried for myself how it is, but my mother hovers
over the seat, granted its not a squat position but its closer to it than to a sitting one, and she says her movements are easier when she is in that position.

For Maria
You talk about real toilets but do you know that centuries ago even in the west people used those kind of toilets?
That's ethnocentric to say they are not real toilets, yes there are disgusting and hard to use for people like us who are used to WC's but most people on this planet are not and they would find it baffling you don't consider this a toilet.
There are people who prefer this toilet because
1 They don't have to seat directly on the seat and they think if they do theyll catch disease
2 There are people who say it is more healthy to squat because they say it helps to get everything out, with the pressure of the thighs on the abdomen and also that the sitting posture prevents a natural alignation of the anus and thus forces us to push and to exhaust our anal muscles which could cause anal incontinence. They also say using these toilets reduce the occurence of constipation, cancer etc. I am not saying this is true, but there are people who believe this, and I don't think there has been reasearch to prove it. There have been some reaserch who say it is effective though.
Also they say in 3rd world countries where these toilets, are common that people have less diseases of the bowel and gastrointestianl tract. It is also possible might also be that they are underreported in those poor countries
But that doesn't mean we should just push the idea out of our heads, the scientists shoudl study both, and make more studies comparing people who squat and who do not, and see if there is a difference in health. Because afterall the squat position is the position that all mammals or most adopt. Of course,if they could use WC's maybe they'd use them, but that must mean, that our bodies might not be as well suited to a sitting position as a squatting one.

I have travelled to Japan and other parts of the world and used the squat toilets in preference to the sit down ones for good reason. The human body was designed to squat when eliminating. The lower bowel has a kink in it when standing and sitting to stop you making a mess of yourself. This kink is only straightened out when you squat (it is called the anorectal angle) making elimination easier and more complete. The advantages are numerious including a reduction in piles, fissures and other disorders of the bowel. I do believe that the risk of bowel cancer can be reduced if you squat as the junction of the small and large bowel is also closed off when you squat preventing back flow so to speak! The benefits are such that I have installed a squatting platform over my poorly thought out western invention, the sitting toilet.

Just experienced my first chinese toilets on a 2 week trip to China. Thank God that I was constipated rather that the reverse. I made ti back to the hotel all but one time. I wish I had read this first, I could not believe there was not toilet paper! Also no paper towels. Fortunately, I had saved part a a pack of napkins that I had purchased at a restaurant earlier (That is right. Many restaurants charge for napkins) Love the USA!

God. You are all wimps. And although I prefer using WC toilets, I have to say squatting over a hole in the ground is a lot more sanitary than sitting where someone's bare ass has been.

This post has been very educational.

Not so much about how to use a squatting shitter...but that there are actually a deluded community of pro-squat toilet supporters out there. Good Lord.

I love this. It makes me happy. I feel the joy of a small animal whose brain has been erased.

So many of you comment that there are squat type toilets the world over, this is nothing unusual, not unsanitary, blah, blah, blah -- it's comments like these make remind me to bless modern (18 or 19th century?) technology. Perhaps the more natural method of the human body IS to squat .. but then I'm sure that it's supposed to be over a hole freshly dug by the person in relatively "clean" dirt. Any who endorse this particular method of elimination have obviously NOT attempted it! I laughed until I cried because I remembered (in time horror becomes humor) the time when I was stuck in the suks of Bahrain, and too far from my boat to matter. I used a facility similar to that described above and it was a truly revolting and shocking experience. Hole in the ground, check. Stool spread/smeared liberally, check. Smell that would embarrass a skunk, DOUBLE-check. I'll WILLINGLY take a rancid outhouse, disgusting public toilet, etc over THAT form any day of the week and thank my lucky stars I'm more worried about my shoes then my PANTS! I think it's also important to note that this mode of elimination is better suited to people in robes and sandals rather than jeans and sneakers!

I have done my business many times in the woods, so I can appreciate flat surface area and possibility to wash your hands afterwards, both good things which "chines toilet" gives.


Tip: Lower your pants only as little as is needed.

I once used a toilet in a remote village in Morocco. Compared to that, this toilet look fit for a king.

The "toilet" was literally a room with a hole in the ground. No flush, no plumbing, just a huge pile of shit in a hole. You had to take a torch with you because once the door was shut it was PITCH BLACK. It was nighttime and no light was in the room. The little light from the outside was more than stopped by the total lack of windows in this hellhole.

So torch in mouth and precariously balanced on a dirt floor, you followed the procedure above.

Oh and someone I was travelling with (this was a school trip) had explosive diarrhoea and had coated the only wall you could have used for support in it. :-(

Great article, brought back some (rather scary) memories!

Seven Advantages of Squatting

1. Makes elimination faster, easier and more complete. This helps prevent "fecal stagnation," a prime factor in colon cancer, appendicitis and inflammatory bowel disease.

2. Protects the nerves that control the prostate, bladder and uterus from becoming stretched and damaged.

3. Securely seals the ileocecal valve, between the colon and the small intestine. In the conventional sitting position, this valve is unsupported and often leaks during evacuation, contaminating the small intestine.

4. Relaxes the puborectalis muscle which normally chokes the rectum in order to maintain continence.

5. Uses the thighs to support the colon and prevent straining. Chronic straining on the toilet can cause hernias, diverticulosis, and pelvic organ prolapse.

6. A highly effective, non-invasive treatment for hemorrhoids, as shown by published clinical research.

7. For pregnant women, squatting avoids pressure on the uterus when using the toilet. Daily squatting helps prepare the mother-to-be for a more natural delivery.

-- from http://naturesplatform.com/health_benefits.html

Oh, I remember the day I used one of those just after climbing a mountain. Muscle ache all over my legs, I found myself unable to stand up...
And it was not a class act hole-in-the-ground toilet like on the picture. Nooo, a hole with some concrete around it is good enough for tourists!

Having used those on a trip to France, I, too, have to say that everything in here is horribly, horribly accurate. Doubly so if you've got bum knees and a stomach inclined to sudden sickness, like I had. UGH.

I prefer the Chinese toilets, when they are clean - which is usually the case.

I'd rather sit on air than on the sweaty seat that thousands of others ahve sat upon.

And, the squat is a far better position for evacuation of the bowels.

For those of you who can't squat without tipping over - you need to get in shape.

My difficult toilet-time in China was on a three day hike with diarrhea and no toilets along the trail. I contributed much fertilization to the local fields of Tiger Leaping Gorge. The trek, the views, and the local healer who owned the farm where we stayed - with his wonderful remedies from the roots local plants - made it all worthwhile.

Toilets in China are not that bad. Even small villages have clean places to goto bathrooms. If you can only find toilets like those discribed, then you have likely made the local giving you directions angry.

Talking slowly to an English Speaking Chinese is a good way of making them angry, even if they barely speak it. Talk normal until THEY tell you to slow down.

"SQUATITUS" DOESN'T COMPUTE WITH YOUR MEDICAL CARRIER WHEN YOU RETURN HOME.EVERYTHING YOU SAID IS TRUE AND MORE. THE SMELL IS HORRIFIC.LOOK FOR A HANDICAP STALL AND YOU WILL FIND A REAL TOILET. SOME TOILETS HAVE 3 OR 4 STAR RATINGS OUTSIDE.TRY TO USE YOUR HOTEL BATHROOM BEFORE YOU GO OUT FOR THE DAY,AND LIMIT FLUID INTAKE DURING THE DAY.TAKE TOILET PAPER,WIPES,ETC.TO MAKE IT BEARABLE. MY FRIEND RESORTED TO WEARING AN ADULT DIAPER,RATHER THAN USE THE FACILITIES.IF YOU THINK THAT IS BAD,THE TOILETS ON INTRA- CHINA FLIGHTS ARE WORSE.THE CHINESE STAND ON THE TOILET SEATS AND SQUAT BECAUSE THEY DON'T THINK THE SEATS ARE SANITARY.GO TO CHINA ANYWAY,IT IS AMAZING.

this is so true. i spent a month in china and tibet (try pooping in this toilet when it's below freezing and you're pretty sure your ass is going to freeze off, which will be nice cuz at least then you won't be able to feel the pain of pooping stool ice cubes) and two in india (then a few weeks in nepal) - none of which have western style toilets commonly available. everything you say is true, so true. and for those of us not lucky enough to have penises in this situation - well, you can imagine the trauma is worse. thanks for making me laugh and telling the world of my secret trauma!

I sypathize with your suffering. However, misery and humiliation are still bearable and erasable from your memeory - as long as they're private...

I was camping with friends in Belarus in 1995, and we had been shitting for weeks in mosquito-infested forests and swamps. It was fun until that day of infamy...

I fancied taking a crap in a gorgeous, remote cornfield. The corn was huge, well over 7 feet tall. I waded through it until I found a small clearing. The sky was blue and birds were chirping, and I thought I was about to have the ultimate al fresco shitting experience. As I settled down to do my business, I heared a squeak and the sound of a diesel engine. A double-decker bus pulled over just five feet away, on the road I hadn't seen because of the fucking corn. There I was, frozen halfway through my turd, observed by tourists I could make out through the dark windows of the upper deck. Those ten seconds were the most interminable, excruciating, confusing and embarassing ten seconds in my life. The bus left and I spent the next minutes shitting pure adrenalin. It made a great story when I got back to our camp but I still shudder when I think about it. :)

My cousin went to China on a school trip and had to use these crap holes. She ended up constipating herself!

Haha, thanks man! I'm in Shanghai/China for an internship at the moment and you really gave me 5 Minutes of laughter!

This gives me flashbacks of a toilet on a greyhound Bus...I mean noone ever hit the hole (#1 & #@ everywhere)and I ended up with someone elses pee all over my pants and i had to sit in them for 3 days. I ended up with a huge rash and i had to shower for 4 hours! It was nasty. The whole restroom was covered in pee and my pants never hit the floor and they were covered! YUCK!!! My advice...Cathaters!!!

Oh God! I've been invited to do a workshop way up on the Chinese/Russian border. After reading your piece, I think I'll skip the language lessons and just sign up for group psychotherapy with Monk!

Sitting is completely stupid anyway you slice it. Our bodies are desined for squatting, kneeling and sitting crossed leg - not for sitting in chairs in anything near a 90 degree angle. Even the western idiots are getting this now. But don't worry - sit on a chair, have your back pain and obesity - just take a pill and wink, have a laugh.

I hope you all realise that the "American" toilet was initially invented by the Chinese. Besides, the Chinese deem it unhygenic "... to sit where others have sat." Anyway, I don't think toilets should be a viable reason to knock a country off of the "Ten Places You'll Visit Before You Die" list.

Is it that exspensive to just put a normal loo in I meen id rather go in a bush then on that contraption

I love you.

This blog made me laugh so much I was in tears and almost wet myself. It brought back funny memories. Thanks for such a great laugh, I must say though that the slash pan you photographed was much cleaner looking than the one I experienced! Joe, my husband and our tour guide were very often in fits of laughter at me because I used them as my toilet testers and refused point blank to go in if they discovered anything disgusting no matter how desperate I may have been.

There is one thing for sure toilet jokes provide a jolly good laugh between good friends when you are well enough having gotten over a good dose of the runs to share your shitty experiences!
ONE of my funniest was at experiences was a visit to the tour companies office in some so called palace in Beijing. During the meeting I got the call of nature and asked to visit the loo. I discovered a row of slash pans set into the floor with not a square inch of floor that hadn't been shat upon.
One other particularly traumatic experience happened in Egypt. We both had dysentery by this stage. We were rocking along on the train when I got an urgent rush to the loo. Trying to keep my balance I got my nickers down just in the nick of time when the bung blew. You guessed it, all over the wall! I was as wild as a bear!
I can laugh now, but it took time!
Anyway, thanks for a jolly good laugh!

FUNNY STORY..BUT THE TRUTH IS CLEAN SQUATING TOILETS WITH RUNING WATER AND TOILET PAPER ARE MORE HYGENIC THAN SITTING ONES,ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CLEAN YOURSELF WITH WATER AFTER YOU DO YOUR BUSINESS..WHICH IS THE CASE IN COUNTRIES LIKE MOROCCO.THANKS FOR THE GOOD LAUGH!

Was warned about having to do my business in the "crouch" position by my Chinese friend who I will be visiting in a few weeks. All I can say is there better be private walls around this thing or I'm going to feel rediculous squating in plain view of everyone else. The Chinese love to stare at us Westerners. Squating and doing my business, I'll feel like an animal in the zoo on exibition. :-)

Guess there's pros and cons for each approach. I favor the Western toilets. At least the stuff doesn't stick around for others to see, step on, and smell. You push a lever and down it goes!

As for the last poster, if you're in a private bathroom and can reach the sink while sitting, turn the water on and wet the toilet paper before using it. Gets you as clean as a whistle! I do it all the time, when I can.

Cheers!

I just visited China and got to use these lovely contraptions. Actually hiking 220 miles on the John Muir trail helped prepare me for these. I am a second grade teacher and brought pictures to show all my kids. By far the favorite one was of the squatty potty. The kids all did reports on China and one kid just kept going on and on about the toilets and asking questions in his report. Maybe you might want to leave that part of the trip out if you teach those that are not ready for R-rated material. Two kids said they had nightmares about the potties. China however was quite a trip as was the toilet experience.

> Grimace and ask yourself if a country with such a toilet can or should ever be a superpower

I was in Bologna once waiting for a train to Zagreb, and needed the loo only to find out it was one of those.

I held on for dear life until the train came.

I followed Gadling's link to get here. Boy, was it worth it.

I laughed until I had tears.

I'd rather shit in my pants.

Now you know why in some countries men wear skirts! We women know that it is far easier to squat with a skirt than with slacks!

Oh my gosh! I laughed till I cried! I havent been to China in 10 years but everything you say here is so familiar! I love those toilets actually - when they are clean..and they usually arent..too many tales to tell..thanks for the laugh

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read! We are heading off to China in a few weeks and my brother was teasing us this weekend about the toilets there (he has made some business trips to China in the past). I am utterly modest about going to the bathroom....if I survive this experience I hopefully will not need more than several years of therapy to work out my issues. Thanks for a great laugh!

Dear Lord - why are people getting so snarky over squatting vs. sitting for taking a shit? Who cares?

If you're so pro-squat, put a squat toilet in your home. I hope that when you're elderly and have OA of the knees, you don't regret your choice.

Honestly, only AMERICANS would get uppity over the "health benefits" of squatting to take a shit.

I tried one of these and slipped on the stool and accidentally stuck my foot in the hole and fell face first on the floor... and i didn't have any toliettes...

I'M FROM CHINA AND I DONT APPRECIATE THIS!!! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS. I GREW UP USEING THE SQUATER AND I LOVE IT I PERSONALLY GET NAKED AND TAKE OFF ALL MY CLOTHES THEN TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS THEN JUMP IN SHOWER AND DONT EVEN BOTHER WIPING SO F ALL OF U!

Quote: "I tried one of these and slipped on the stool and accidentally stuck my foot in the hole and fell face first on the floor... and i didn't have any toliettes..."

Oh my god, you poor thing!!! Sooooo funny though when you're the one reading about it!

I'm an Aussie female and an avid camper. Once you've shit in the woods, baring your bum to the local animals and random campers, you'll never have a problem ever again. I've got to agree though, if it stinks (whether it's a western toilet or not) I won't use it. Vomit!

To the chinese person above ... don't be offended. It's not personal, it's just different to what most westerners are used to, that's all :)

I dropped a strap from my back pack in it and forgot to bring toilet paper seeing as all of north america provides it..

they acctually arnt as bad as you make them sound. You must have gone into one that was less then 3 stars. You just have to watch where you go into, and make sure you note, that on almost all the public tolets have a star rating system. =)

"Dear Lord - why are people getting so snarky over squatting vs. sitting for taking a shit?"

Maybe because the tone of the story, and the comments, is contemptuous.

To most of the people in the world, this is a very natural and usable toilet, no touching, easily hosed down, etc. You Westerners need to get over yourselves, everyone doesn't have to do things your way.

What 'doors'?
There are no doors in most of these places. Extra fun cross-cultural experience!

I once pooped out of a moving car so I don't really have a preference either way. I'll poop on home plate at Yankee Stadium if you want.

I've lived in China for 6 years. Love the place, but must say everything about this experience is true. True there are a few places that burn incense and have girls inside incessantly mopping but the majority of places are as described. Even if they are being constantly mopped, no bleach or any other cleaning solution is being used so what's the point? You're standing in thousands of people's pee that's been wiped with a mop stinking of month's worth of pee and only ever been rinsed in water. How someone can say it is cleaner is beyond me. For women, the shallow porcelain bowl sprays your pee right back at you and all around the stall. Your shoes are ruined and even your arms and face can feel the splattering.I personally wear surgical shoe covers when traveling on the train as the floor is covered with poo and pee is swirling around your feet with the motion of the train. As for the arguments of the health benefits of the squatting position, my years of experience have not found it to be so. When you're so concentrated on protecting your clothes, not touching anything and the pure degredation of it all, it's quite the opposite. It's much more difficult to do your business. Many attempts go unsuccessful. In many cases, there are no doors or doors that don't come low enough to the floor. Yes, I have been peaked at on many occasions - instant constipation! If fewer cases of constipation and other bowel disorder occur in places where these toilets are used, it probably has more to do with other lifestyle aspects such as less meat, dairy and junk food in their diets and a lot more walking. Sitting on a western toilet is not filthy. Unless you smear your genetalia and anus around the seat the truth is only your thighs are touching. What's the difference in that and wearing shorts or mini-skirts or even swimsuits and sitting where others have sat before? Besides, my mom taught me to hover slightly above a public toilet to pee and put paper down on the seat if it's a sit down job. How hard is that? Just smell the difference in the 2 bathrooms and decide which is cleaner? Personally, I'd rather walk out of a bathroom without other people's pee on my shoes.

This would have to be the funniest thing I have read in ages. Though I will take a few notes as my husband and I are heading over to China sometime next year. I am going to go prepared and tons of toilet tissue and even may buy some pills to clog me up for the whole two weeks...

wow these people have nuclear weapons.

This is one of the most true and humorous stories I have read recently. I have been travelling to China every other month for the past year, and have needed to use the John once in a Emergency situation. I took one leg of my trousers off and swung them around the other leg to protect them from who knows what....

After reading some of these comments from the Squat for health community, maybe I should only use my toilet to piss in, and squat and shit in my bathtub. Seems to be the Healthy way to approach things. I will tell you one thing, American Toilet Technology is #1. I've Shat all over the world, none can compare to a good Kohler throne!!

That was detailed and entertaining not to mention informative to the point that I will inquire about the existance of the squat toilet if ever leaving the US and not headed for Europe.

I can tell that using a Squat Toilet at a ski-resort with your ski boots still on is'nt a good idea. Because they were wet from the snow , the plastic bottom of the boots were very slippery and I had no grip anymore on that toilet with the most disgusting fall ever. I won't tell any details but I've tried to clean myself and my clothes abit and went right back to my hotel to shower and change ;)

I think you tried squatting wrong and I never saw a bathroom that disgusting so far in Shanghai. Also, not everywhere has soap, babywipes are necessary.
My squatting method, I'm female, is to pull my pants to about mid thigh, squat to where my knees are bent almost completely and my rear is hanging a couple of inches above the foreboding hole and then take care of business. I avoid squatters for bowel movements but for urine they're fine.

But what do you do when you have a broken leg?

[ "Leave China" comes to mind. -B. ]

I've been to China and used the squat holes. It's not so bad, really. I prefer squatting over making thigh contact with a public toilet seat...and squatting over a raised toilet is tricky. Your blog is comedic gold, though :) Folks with bad knees beware!

I just got back from a day trip to China. I dropped my sunglasses into the deep dark hole and was just looking for a photo so I could describe the experience to my more fortunate friends who have yet to experience this. I just wanted to say I just laughed to hard at your article that I cried.

I laughed and laughed...but only because I just returned from China yesterday having survived the Chinese toilet experience without mishap. But honestly, if I had read this before I visited, I might never have gone. NO ONE warns you about this. I wonder if the 2008 Olympic promotional material will at least give folks a "heads up" [pun intended].

this is the nastyest thing ever i will never use 1 of these

God, thats some self-deficating humour! Or is that self- depricating? Decapitating? Regardless, I thought squatting in the bush in Northern Ontario having my butt attacked by a "gazillion" starving mosquitos was bad!
Great tips, heading to Russia soon have heard about these holes...hopefully I'll just get constipated. Something I've never hoped for before I might add.

This would help on my next trip to China.

Unfortunately, I've already been to China without reading this.

Any trip to a public restroom can be a harrowing experience, esp. airplanes, trains and their stations, the last gas station at the Pennsylvania border on Rte 81 before New York, pubs or anywhere drunks congregate. As one without penis, I have found it easiest to use conventional toilets with the seat up and squat. Much less contact, and no tinkle on the seat to wipe up later. Studies have shown the seat & toilet are cleaner than the paper towel dispenser, sink and door handles because the toilet itself is cleaned more frequently. I have read that the ATM has more germs than the average public toilet seat. But I still won't sit on the public toilet! Your story lends a whole new meaning to "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon!" Have enjoyed your writing ever since the leather pants.

omfg!!!
my sister just had the pleasure of getting to know these toilets while she spent the summer abroad in italy!
...we all thought she was just being a wimp-
well now i feel totally inclined to back her up the next time she is doubted...
lol
lol
lol
u rock banterist!

Hahaha!! I read about this asking my boyfriend from Korea "for real? they really do that" a million times! The shit bin at the end killed it though. I will be constipated before I go overseas.

I was in the service in germany for quite some time and the german shelf toilets are good execpt you dont hear the splash like american toilets. Im goint to corespond with a CHINESE person soon and will ask them about the squat toilets there and find out about them.

Another comment about the shelf toilets in germany,when inn the service someone would about every week lay a huge long piece of poop in it and not flush it. I do agree that squatting is the best position for pooping i havent tried it tey but soon will.
BILL M

I visited Egypt in 2005 and remember being "warned" about squat toilets. I stayed at nice hotels so I didn't encounter one until I went to the train station in Cairo. I walked in to the restroom, dressed like a typical tourist so I drew some attention. Every eye turned towards me anticipating my reaction as the attendant opened the door to an available stall. I was really shocked and crossed myself then snapped a picture to the delight of all the patrons. Apparently the attendent only opens doors and little else. My tour group had a great time with our guide, questioning him about the purpose & proper use of scrubbing brush and sponge on a stick.

This is absolutely hilarious i really can't stop laughing. I'm hoping to never need this!! =DD

Greetings from the Netherlands.

I seem to have been fortunate. the squatter in question at the brunei airport had a sort o