From New York, original humor & commentary by Brian Sack.
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Helpful Plastic Surgery Tips

plastic_surgery_amok.jpg

Plastic surgery works best when not a manifestation of inner turmoil and despair.

When confronted with your husband and a young woman having sex, consider plastic surgery to be an option. However, divorce and Second Degree Homicide under Mental Duress are also viable options worth considering, especially when plastic surgery may fail to win your philandering husband back.

Putting $50,000 into your kitchen leads to a better kitchen. Putting $50,000 into your face does not necessarily lead to a better face. This is because your face is not a kitchen.

To judge the success of your plastic surgery, stand outside. If people try to chase you off of a cliff with pitchforks, consider finding another plastic surgeon and getting a second opinion.

That said, individuals who make their living performing plastic surgery are not likely to admit you do not need plastic surgery. This is true of most professions. A car salesman will always try to sell you a car, even if you resemble the front-end of a Dodge Durango 4-Wheel Drive.

Moderation is not a vice. If your Day Runner contains notations such as "Get plastic surgery" more than three times in a given month, you are in danger of being overzealous.

Some alternatives to plastic surgery include: strategic use of blush and eye-liner, brushing teeth, and encouraging others to love you for who you really are.

If who you really are has been completely replaced by the monstrous visage you have created, stay indoors and watch Twilight Zone episodes Eye of the Beholder, A Short Drink From A Certain Fountain and Number Twelve Looks Just Like You. You will be somewhat comforted and well prepared for your deathbed epilogue - to be delivered by Rod Serling.



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Do not stare directly at the image at right; the visage of notorious society beast Jocelyn Wildenstein may cause epileptic...

Trackbacked from Jocelyn Wildenstein: The Reawakening on Gawker.

Do not stare directly at the image at right; the face of notorious society beast Jocelyn Wildenstein may cause epileptic...

Trackbacked from Jocelyn Wildenstein: The Reawakening on Gawker.

Do not stare directly at the image at right; the face of notorious society beast Jocelyn Wildenstein may cause epileptic...

Trackbacked from Jocelyn Wildenstein: The Reawakening on Gawker.

Well she's back with a new and improved face. Is seems that Jocelyn Wildenstein can't keep away from her plastic surgeon. Banterist gives us a few tips regarding plastic surgery: When confronted with your husband and a young woman having sex, consider...

Trackbacked from Jocelyn Wildenstein: The Carver on A Socialite's Life.

Everytime I see this woman, I feel ill. Banterist - Helpful Plastic Surgery Tips When confronted with your husband and a young woman having sex, consider plastic surgery to be an option. However, divorce and Second Degree Homicide under Mental...

Trackbacked from It's either my lunch or a hairball on The Diner [at] Penda's Realm.

Everytime I see this woman, I feel ill. Banterist - Helpful Plastic Surgery Tips When confronted with your husband and a young woman having sex, consider plastic surgery to be an option. However, divorce and Second Degree Homicide under Mental...

Trackbacked from It's either my lunch or a hairball on The Diner [at] Penda's Realm.

...the HORROR:To judge the success of your plastic surgery, stand outside. If people try to chase you off of a cliff with pitchforks, consider finding another plastic surgeon and getting a second opinion....

Trackbacked from The HORROR... on marcland.

Well she's back with a new and improved face. Is seems that Jocelyn Wildenstein can't keep away from her plastic surgeon. Banterist gives us a few tips regarding plastic surgery: When confronted with your husband and a young woman having sex, consider...

Trackbacked from Jocelyn Wildenstein: The Carver on A Socialite's Life.

Well she's back with a new and improved face. Is seems that Jocelyn Wildenstein can't keep away from her plastic surgeon. Banterist gives us a few tips regarding plastic surgery: When confronted with your husband and a young woman having sex, consider...

Trackbacked from Jocelyn Wildenstein: The Carver on A Socialite's Life.

For reasons that we don’t completely understand, people are fascinated with cosmetic surgery gone bad. The poster child of this must be Steve “Butt Implants” Erhardt, who holds a special place in our hearts since as of this writing...

Trackbacked from Jocelyn Wildenstein: Just Plan Scary! on Independent Sources.

Comments

Oh The HORROR. That is terrible. That is worse than the Donnatella Versace (sic?) mess that is everywhere. I know that this is not what naturally happens with age, but I hope that the combination of money and psychological problems fails to force anyone else to deteriorate so violently.

You know how some people bring in photos to their hairdresser of how they want to look, you think Jocelyn Wildenstein brought this to her plastic surgeon and insisted on looking like Eric Stoltz in Mask?

Yeah, if I'm her ex-husband, I REALLY want her back after that.

OH MY GOD!!!! That's all I can say. I'm speechless. Truly UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!

Hubby,

Just do her from behind so you don't have to kiss or look at her.

I feel sorry for her to be so sad about her husband that she resorted probably unknowingly to haveing all kinds of these surgeries and by some quack who talked her into them while she was at an emotionally unstable time of her life. I totally blame the doctor. She needed a psychiatrist not a plastic surgeon as any good plastic surgeon would know.

coyote ugly, obscene, revolting.......

aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........ SpOoKy!!!!!!!!! god what has the woman done with her face???... how it's possible to someone look so ugly as that??????????????????????!!!!!!!!!! ewwwwwwww.... jEzZZzZ i just finished to have dinner...=P

Highly disturbing. I can't even look at her for more than a couple of seconds without scrolling away from the shot and wincing. Its surprising someone hasn't come up with a disorder name for such plastic surgery bizarreness.

Let's not be mean. If you read her life story, it's really quite sad. I've also read an interview she's given... she's really a funny and intelligent lady. Just feel bad for her.

I feel so sorry for this woman. I thought she was just fine the way she looked before the surgeries. It's just not worth it to try to make yourself look like someone or something else to keep your man. Now no one will want her. It's so sad. They need addiction clinics for people like this.

How sad. I have seen pictures of her before all the surgery and she wasn't bad looking. Why did she do this to herself? To keep a man? Now she can't get one. It's never a good idea to try to change the way you look by going under the knife. Men, no matter how good you look will always look at other women and may eventually leave you for someone else. No amount of surgery can change that. She should have stopped at the first surgery. I feel so sorry for her. She looks like a Lion that was caught in a house fire. They should have addiction clinics for people like this so they can get help before it's too late.

Sorry for her? Screw that. Why should I feel sorry for a materialistic freak. She did it to herself. She's just a sad representation of what modern society has become.

Hello Everyone!
The DOCTOR is in!! (He He)..
Yes, Jocelyn Wildenstein is my MASTERPIECE!!
All she is missing are a couple of "bolts" on her neck!! (Ha Ha, Just Kidding....)
Ms. Wildenstein said she wanted me to perform any and all surgeries required to convert her into a real "head turner"! Well, you must admit I have succeeded!! She not only turns heads but also turns stomachs and entire bodies as they flee in the opposite direction!! (Ho Ho, Just Kidding again...)
On the PLUS side, besides saving money on all future Halloween costume rentals Jocelyn has also succeeded in getting all the attention any creature could ever want! The downside is she can no longer visit small european villages as the villagers tend to chase her around with torches and pitchforks!
Anyone else out there wanting a giant forehead, unusable eyelids and a cartoon sized chin should contact me as soon as possible! I now need to create a mate for "The Thing" (my pet name for Jocelyn). Of course, if my two masterpieces were to have a child it would probably & unfortunately look, ugh, HUMAN!.
Who's Your Daddy?
Love,
Dr. F

Just PLain Fugly (Fucking Ugly)!!!!!!!!!

There's a name for it...
it's what Micheal Jackson has and Lola Ferrari had

Personally, I love the work she has had done on her eyes. I am a transvestite and I'd give anything to have those eyes and pumped up lips.

That has to be the ugliest woman ever. Can she even see through those god awfull eyes of hers. Damn, how tight can one ugly face get before it tears?!~>>

Could this woman BE any uglier? Just goes to show how warped a person can be if they let their insecurities and addtions re: plastic surgery get out of hand.

Kinda looks like she stood in a wind tunnel for an hour & it blew her eyes back toward the sides of her face. I wonder if she ever looks in the mirror and thinks, "dang, what the hell was I smoking?"

This poor, poor woman. Why did she do this to herself. I would never ever make myself that unattractive on purpose. Oh well what can you do? When you have all money, no brain.

oh my lord please don't give money to the stupid ones...!an African village could have eaten for months from that amount of money she spent to fxxx her face up.

Jocelyn Wildenstein a fait accomplait-
From the tips on her head to the paws, er her feet-
As she strived and perservered the world stood aghast,
there would still be an opportunity to uplift her ass

er her buttocks

I think she looks marvelous. She's fucking fabulous. You go girl!

Is it me or does her face look extremely painful? Iam more than curious to see what that creature looked like before disaster struck.

How can she even show her face in public? She looks like a monster...

My son told me to check this out. Horrible. I assured him that when I get a face lift, as I plan to do one day, it is to take care of the jowls which is what I see every time I look in the mirror (family trait). . . I don't care about looking younger than my 66 years...I'm proud of looking as good as I do after being in an abusive marriage. Those five years did age me but I still feel like I look okay and I feel good about myself. Pity for those who "need" (or feel that they do) to change their looks so drastically! I would not want implants of any kind - - just take away the jowls....Cookie

People keep criticizing Ms. Wildenstein--rightly. But what about the doctors who did this to her? Shouldn't there be some kind of professional ethic for plastic surgeons that would forbid them from committing such atrocities? Shouldn't the doctors who butchered this woman and Michael Jackson lose their licenses?

Just wondering...

G'ah! My eyes! It BURNS!!!!!

Yes, one would think that the doctor should also be responsible for the bizzar outcomes of the Michael's and Ms. Jocelyn's out there. (What doctor in his right mind would be proud to say that he performed this type of extreme plastic surgery?) But, I suppose a person has a right to do what they want with their face as far as cosmetic surgery goes as long as there is a doctor willing to do it. (The all mighty dollar?) Remember the guy that spends all his $ trying to look like a cat? He even had whiskers put into his cheeks the last time I saw him on tv. Why do they feel so unhappy with the way they look that they would go to such extremes? Are they trying to fill an empty hole that is inside them? Maybe what is missing is loving themselves and focusing on God and not their outter appearance? Worrying about your outside looks to such an extreme is very shallow and does not bring true happiness! :)

If that is the result she wanted to achieve and if she likes it - why not ? Isn't Beauty In The Eye of the Beholder ? Live and let Live.

saw this & all i can say is, woooooooow... can she even open her eyes?? at least most of the surgically enhanced celebrities i've seen (exceptions: Burt Reynolds/Lil Kim/Michael & LaToya Jackson) at least look human...

ouch, just looking at her face is painful, why anyone would do that to themselves is beyond me, she looks absoulutely horrid.

OK, I'm looking at the picture and thinking Andre the Giant in a blonde wig... not a good look

hey people jocelyn's my woman. dont you come on here saying that she is ugly, i love her, she is beautiful. her face feels like a big block of concrete and i like it that way.
mmmmm...jocelyn turns me on.

Oh damn! That lady's face reminds me of the guy from Cher's old movie, Mask. Yuck! Why should she get my pity? I hope when she dies, it's gonna be closed casket.

what is sad is, before all this surgery, she was, by i'm certain most standards, strikingly beautiful.

many would pay to have her original looks...which is a whole other issue, i suppose...

Poor thing is just looking for Dr. Right - she finds the right cosmetic surgeon and badda bing, she's back in action.

She should ring up Mamie Van Doren for a refresher course in bombshell. At 74, Mamie looks hot (even if - at that age - it would be like having sex with a gummed envelope).

www.mamievandoren.com (it's yummycreepyfunny)

i wanna see all nude girls wearing oxygen masks and putting plaster on their mouths

WHAT IS THAT THING!???!!! IT'S NOT REAL!! SHE LOOKS LIKE A MOLDY MUFFIN THAT GOT BAKED IN THE OVEN TOO LONG!!!! HER SPIDER EYES!! AND HER MOOSE LIPS!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just another opportunity for all you even sicker people out there to be as mean and vile as possible about a bizarre and disturbed person. Why? So you can all desperately feel better and superior about yourselves. Yeah she looks very bad, but hell, she's happy about it. I say Good Luck to her, and while your at it, now go into the bathroom and look into YOUR mirror to see how really ugly you are too. Especially on the INSIDE.
OK lecture's over, you're all dismissed.

[ So wait - we're the soulless freaks and Cat Lady is Mother Theresa. Got it. -B. ]

HA! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
Hmmmm...... HAH!

Just one word to describe her: *NASTY*!

How can somebody hate themselves so much? That is the ultimate self mutilation.

You know what they say: one more facelift and she'll have a goatee. This woman is just about there.

ok...Brian. Love you, Love your words...thinking about being your for Halloween, but dude....we gotta get a web-site-cleaner-upper in and fix this site. It's clutter-y. I love the ebay ad....emailed it to all my peeps that have brains.
poked around on this site and tried to learn more about you. Still not sure. Keep on keepin' on man...."you have to be smart to be a smart ass"

There's a neam for what she has - it's called Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), and she thinks that 'fixing' her face will make her life better somehow, even though the evidence to the contrary is mind-boggling.
Sad thing is, what we see when we look at her picture is not what she sees when she looks in the mirror...she probably actually thinks that she looks fine!

a lot of you are awfully fucking judgemental. i don't care for the way she looks either. but it's her money and it's her business what she does with it.maybe she likes the way she looks and doesn't give a shit about your opinion, or mine. maybe she's really nice, maybe she is intelligent with a sparkling personality, but some of you have already not just judged her looks but her personality, writing that she must be materialistic because she is rich and has had plastic surgery or have mental problems just because she carries a different standard of beauty than we do. you have an awful lot to say about someone you have never even met.

Actually i think shes a Babe! ;) Beautiful!

I also feel sorry for this woman. Low self-esteem is at the heart of this issue, nothing more.

I'm shocked that this many people are so ugly on the inside

i just feel sorry for her

i really want to know how rich peoples brains work.....or don't work for that matter....

She would make a great extra for the next star trek movie!

Whoa!!!! I'm a personal injury lawyer, she should sue the bastard MD and be richer than her ex!!!!

Why would you spend that kind of money on your face ... when you know you gotta put the money into your tits?

I wish she would have spent her money on me. Hypnotherapy is cheaper and she'd have WAY better self esteem than from a surgeon!

DO NOT WAAAAAAAANT !

One more face lift & she will have a beard.

VTNC, excuse me but as your are saying you are a travestiii , you and your kind may be kind weird looking... but she is supposed to be a normal woman

MELA, what on earth are you trying to say?

she scares me to death i didnt actually no her name so i called her cat women because im doin a project on how people get addicted to plastic surgery and on the internet if you type in cat woman on google she will most defonatly come up!!!!!!!!

To Anonymous: (tho you probably won't read this)

Her name is Jocelyn Wildenstein.

This woman is totaly FUGLY she needsplastic surgery to re arange her face...its terrible io thought my mumwas ugly but have u sin her this gives a new meaning to ugley

o ma god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she looks wroser than pete burns and thats saying something she looks more plastic than a babie dolly lol sort it out women!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I LOVE HER

SHE IS GREAT

I WANT TO BE LIKE

HER ONE DAY!!!!

IM LESBIAN SO I WUD

LIKE TO LOVE HER

LOVE YOU DARLING

AND KEEP THE GOOD WORK UP!!!

BYE X.X.X.X.X.X.X

Jocelyn and I are very close friends---all of you are jealous--she is a very nice person,one of the kindest people you`d ever want to meet.The only reason her husband took her back is because she knows the truth about his family--how they profited from the sale of stolen art(they purchased from the Nazi`s during World War II)
Jocelyn knows the truth---By the way Jocelyn has been signed to next years Dancing With The Stars. She`s sure to win.

i love it! fabolous!

you are the ugliest i have ever seen. ytou didn't have to do the plastic surgery you stupid women!

Errr.. !!! shees ugleeys as anyfink.. evuuur nightmarees lmaao !!
sum1 heellp hur please !! we wouldent even walk outside with a face like that rathur die..=]

omfggggggg wtf did yOuu dO tO yOuur face man.. ppl say that ok maybe if yOuu get plastic surgery yOuull lOOk betta but darling this jst made yOuu dead set uglyy nO Offencee :S i srs dunnO hOw pplsz mindsz wOrk :S sOrry xOxx.

she's very sexy. A young 32yrs old stallion.
xxx

y the fuk is evri1 bin tight to her she jus a normal women...meybe she dint like what she lookd like b4 so y is evri1 writing nasty comments????

tight thats all u r!!!!

be who u want to be lv xxx dont listen to these pricks!! xxx

u r the sickest natiest lady that i have ever seen u look like a travestie!!!!U R A SICKO!!! lady!!!!! $%^&%$^%$%^$#%$#@$#@^%$#&^%$":*{/56=['R;9I`=-P';-0PL8.JN8;9IO0P-[=

this is sad to look at ladies and gentlemans. Why would she screw up her life to do this?? This plastic surgery went totally wrong!! I feel bad but then she did this to herself so it is all her tears. she is probably so mad at herself that she did this. I mean look at her face!! This a good example of plastic surgery gone wrong. She cant even get a guy noe that she did this to herself

People these days spend too much time staring at themselves, which is why they never see the cumulative effects of their mutations into alien/human hybridization. Consult DSM-V under the heading: Personality Disorders/Body Dysmorphia. This sad creature is reflective of the effects of pathological narcissism in the aging, as seen from the inside out.

This is horrible, Mrs. Wildenstein is a wonderful woman. Wether you think she is pretty or hideous it is noones business to make snyde comments about her.

My husband came up with the perfect term for people who over do or poorly do the plastic surgery thing: reverse Darwinism.

Mais quelle horreur ! Comment cette femme a t elle pu en arriver là ? Halloween c'est tous les jours pour elle !

It's terrible.God made us with a nice look and this woman looks vry ugly because of this damn plastic sergury!!

This is so sad, only in that she was already blessed with beauty before. I can't say anything bad about her, as I don't know her..but, she looked lovely...before. Why anyone would not want to show the beauty that comes with time (like fine wine) is beyond me..truly.

OOOh my God!!!!!!! she is ugly i have never seen that before.God made us beautifull with a reason to look like that, i don't see why she should correct God's creation .Anyway GOD FORGIVE YOU WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

what did she think of her self,she is the stupid person i ever seen in my life

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