Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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A Trillion For Your Thoughts

After the recent release of the 2011 Federal Budget there was no shortage of complaints from all over the political spectrum. Of course, one of the biggest grumbles is that it’s 192 pages of incredibly boring fiscal drudgery. The fix? Make it entertaining! Some of America’s top entertainers offer their ideas on how the Office of Management and Budget could spice up this dreary affair:
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CARROT TOP Comedian
“I would have a page in the budget that has a big bite taken out of it. Then I would have the President hold it up and say, ‘This must be page ate!’ Get it? It’s like they ate the page, which is a pun on the word eight.”
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MEL GIBSONFilm star
“The budget, like a movie, needs to keep the viewer riveted. Every chapter should infer that a shadowy network controls the economy. We keep people guessing until the very end, and then we go off on Jews and call our publicists.”
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KIM KARADASHIANFragrance
“I would pepper it with inexcusable spelling and grammatical errors, like my Twitter updates hases.”
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QUENTIN TARANTINODirector
“I’d have you reading about the Department of Labor, then a quick flashback to the Department of Veteran’s Affairs expenditures in 2007, then back to present-day Department of Labor, and then suddenly you’re looking at a blood-spattered chart highlighting the Department of Education’s purchase of laptops in 2005.”
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DIDDYMusician
“I would record myself saying “Uh huh” and “Mmmm Hmmm” over the 2009 Budget, and release it as the 2011 Budget.”


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