Poland Dispatch: Car For Sale

1996 Polonez Caro
4-door, hatchback
Color: Darkish something
Engine: 4 cylinder, 65 Catpower
Transmission: 5 Speed Standard
106000 Kilometers
0-100Kph: Yes
In-floor ventilation holes
Automatically opening windows
Window Froster
Random door-locking (3 doors)
Keyless entry fourth door
Gaping AM/FM Radio Hole
Passenger-side seat belt
Ass-penetrating seat spring
Windshield & rear Windshield Streakers
Extremely loud analog clock
Security system (guaranteed not to be stolen)
Magically opening glove box
Automatic Skidding System
Detachable fender and wheel well trim
Occasional Ka-tang noise
Spare parts under driver’s seat
Disposable lighter
Asking price: 12 minute backrub, or best offer.