Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Satire


Ultimate Caesar Salad

This is the same kind of Caesar Salad you’d pay $12 for a French guy to bring you. Ingredients: 2 eggs that lived a good life, walking freely on the farm and free of persecution. Or, eggs that went to a high school the Mayor reserved for eggs that were different. 1/3 cup olive oil….


Helpful Tips For Actors

Make sure to criticize the writing of the commercial. Even better if someone associated with the advertising agency or client is present. This lets them know that you’re a serious, intelligent actor who knows a bad commercial when they see it. Pass your feelings on to fellow actors and the casting director as much as…


Non-Celebrity Sightings

Guy who kind of looked like Angela Lansbury at the Union Square Starbucks. He ordered a medium mocha. 8:32am. Guy that could possibly pass for the short fella from Princess Bride who kept yelling ‘it’s inconceivable!’ and eventually drank poison – leafing through a copy of The Five People You Meet In Heaven at the…


Memo Re: “The Reagans”

Selected items from the Moonves Memo regarding the reasons behind CBS cancelling “The Reagans”: ‘Kill ’em all and let God sort ’em out!’ is not a Reagan quote. And he did not deliver it while torching a forest with Secretary of the Interior James Watt. There is nothing in the historical record to support the…



Eulogy For Charles

Hello ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for coming today. I wasn’t a close friend of Charles. He didn’t have many close friends, I think. But fortunately this church wasn’t too far from where I live so I agreed to come and speak about him. To tell you about the Charles I kind of knew. To say…


Uses for 311

311 is New York City’s New Phone Number for Government Information and Services. Among the many services accessible through 311, you can…




Modern Commandments For Modern Times

It’s clear that in this day and age the Ten Commandments as originally written are just not up to the task of dealing with all the nuances of modern life.