From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.


Welcome to My Terribly Neglected Blog

HUMBUG! I have not updated this sucker since August 2011 when my second book came out. Even before that it had been quite some time since I noticed it. Like a spouse of 50 years, I assume.

This blog was very good to me. I started it several years ago when time was not such a precious commodity. I’ve since made a baby, written a book, made another baby, written another book, and taken on the task of hosting a weekly TV show. These are all terribly time-consuming things if you want to do them right – and I’m afraid as a result this blog has fallen by the wayside.

A shame really, because there’s plenty of treasure to be found around here. I put my heart into this thing in the day and enjoyed it immensely.

Sadly the most popular entry is my dispatch about a Chinese squat toilet. I’m not big on poo humor, but this particular poo humor apparently hit a nerve. So, kazillions of views – and this before Facebook made it easy to share stuff.

Your New Monkey was read by Penn Gillette of Penn & Teller fame on his radio show. That was a nice surprise. I met Penn in October 2012 during a taping of Celebrity Apprentice I was involved in and got to thank him and give him a check for $10,000 for art it took him six seconds to make.
How Past Girlfriends Could Have Changed History was a piece I did for McSweeney’s way back. I stopped writing things for McSweeney’s after learning that they used my piece Possible Closing Lines for a Defendant Who Has Chosen to Represent Himself in a book. They never told me or let me write my bio line in the book. Or sent me a copy, for that matter. Uncool.

To the Person Who Found My Camera explains why my lost camera had numerous photos of a cat’s ass.

Then there’s this: DKNY Men’s Leather Pants I Unfortunately Own. It was an eBay ad I’d put up that wound up getting millions of views. I found myself being interviewed by TV and radio folks all over the planet. It did amazing things, like hook me up with producers and TV people and helped me get an agent who sold my first book to HarperCollins.

So, please enjoy my terribly neglected blog. There’s some good stuff in here. When I do get the time/hankering to write something silly I usually do it in my Yelp reviews.
In the meantime, I need to focus on my TV show. Go ahead and subscribe to the show’s YouTube Channel if you’re up for it.


About five minutes into my adventure some guy came running out of the shadows choking and I lost my wife. At this point I felt weird and toyed with the idea of returning to the bar …


My night table was not where I thought it was. As a result, my beloved iPhone 5S was placed on top of oxygen atoms which are sadly lacking in solidity. Had I placed the phone …