Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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The Starfleet Academy Rejection Letter

Dear Applicant:
Thank you for your interest in Starfleet Academy.
After the utmost consideration, we regret to inform you that we will not be able to offer you a place in the Fall freshman class.
Every year, we receive tens of thousands of applications from all over the United Federation of Planets. Among them are thousands of qualified individuals. As you can imagine, our decision is not an easy one. Even for emotionally detached Vulcans.
The Starfleet Selection Committee is comprised of faculty, Academy staff and a recently assimilated admissions professional. Each application is thoroughly reviewed. The many criteria we evaluate include school grades and performance records, standardized testing scores, physical mass and emotional profile. In addition, we are required to offer a certain number of spaces to individuals who qualify for the No Klingon Left Behind Act.
On behalf of the Starfleet Selection Committee, I wish you the best in your academic pursuits. Please know, this by no means precludes you from applying to Starfleet in the future, or in the past if you find a rift in the space-time continuum.
Sincerely,
Six of Nine
Dean, Starfleet Admissions


Previously

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