Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

Menu

Bourne Prophecies

THE BOURNE DISCREPANCY
After discovering a bar tab with a martini he never ordered, Jason Bourne must track down the waiter and have his check re-issued. But first, he must try to find out why the Maitre d’ wants him dead.
THE BOURNE DISPARITY
After enemy operatives destroy his favorite John Mayer poster, a revenge-minded Jason Bourne wipes out the Bulgarian secret police and bitch-slaps an aspiring model.
THE BOURNE ASCENDANCY
When Jesus prods Jason Bourne with a magic thistle, the super-agent finds himself next in line for the Papacy. But he quickly learns he’s in danger when his Communion Wafer turns out to be a poisoned Dorito.
THE BOURNE MONOTONY
After infiltrating NASCAR, Jason Bourne takes the wheel of the Home Depot car and drives in a circle for two hours, twenty minutes.
THE BOURNE FRUGALITY
Though unable to save his new girlfriend from an assassin’s bullet, Jason Bourne can save $4.80 – but only if he gets to Walgreen’s before his coupons expire.
THE BOURNE JUDICIARY
When Jason Bourne finds himself nominated to the Supreme Court he must try to discover what his past court opinions were and why Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid is trying to kill him.
THE BOURNE REDUNDANCY
When Jason Bourne is laid off by the CIA he’s soon employed by another shadowy government agency – and finds himself tasked with killing the recently laid off Jason Bourne.
THE BOURNE TAPESTRY
After knitting a marvelous Afghan, Jason Bourne is faced with entry into the International Guild of Yarn Artisans or destroying a global narcotics network.
THE BOURNE LIABILITY
After renting a car and declining the Collision Damage Waiver, Jason Bourne must drive very, very carefully through Malta when pursued by masked gunmen who want him dead.


Previously

Defendant: Knocked-Up Nelly Count 1: Misspelling a brand name, a misdemeanor. Count 2: Distributing a spelling error via junk email. Report: Officer was made aware of "Knocked-Up Nelly" via unsolicited commercial email (a.k.a. "spam"). The normal inclination to …

Next

Ranting, raving and dramatic arm gestures about the health and ethical implications of meat-eating are merely window-dressing in the great struggle that is National Vegetarianism. But we fight the battle against carnivorism knowing that inside …