Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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The AMS Sleep Prevention System

ams_alarm.jpg

In the old days, if you wanted to get up at a certain time you’d use an alarm clock. You’d drift off to sleep only to be awakened rudely some several hours later by a buzz, music, or 1010 WINS traffic report. Sure, you’d make your flight or your business meeting – but is that really the way you want to start your day?
Enter the AMS Sleep Prevention System. With AMS, there’s no sleep to wake you from! That’s because the AMS Sleep Prevention System features an advanced technology that actually detects when you’re about to drift off and dream.
Your fading consciousness triggers the patented No Worse Sound On Earth alarm – guaranteeing no sleep comes your way. That means you’re ready for your 7:30 flight at 2:00! Have an audition later in the day? With AMS, you’re ready the day before, no matter how exhausted you are. You can’t oversleep if you can’t sleep – and that’s the AMS guarantee.
Specifications:
The AMS Sleep Prevention System runs on two 34D batteries.
Alarm Modes: Grunt, Advanced Grunt, Fidget, Coo, Weep, Wail, Ear Piercing Shriek.
Random Snooze Modes: 3 minutes, 23 minutes, about an hour, close to two hours.
Self-soiling.
The AMS Sleep Prevention System is guaranteed for about a year, so it seems.
No returns.


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