Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Still Not Diddy

Ever since I wrote A Public Message From Sean P. Diddy Combs two years ago, I have been plagued by people who think I’m Diddy, Diddy’s friend, or a conduit to Diddy. No amount of me saying I’m not Diddy seems to reach these people. Every so often I can count on getting an email from an illiterate artist, young teen, or “tight young lady” as one email mentioned.
Here are some current favorites, verbatim:
diddy, i’am intrested in starting an organisation which involves gathering people of high skills and bring them togather.
i want to get people of the street and away from crime, by giving them something to channel thier intrests into.
i would be highly grateful if you would contact me about adding your face to my program inorder to attract more people of the street and give them a little hope for a better futhur.
thank you, melissa
contact me on [redacted]@hotmail.com

dear Mr. Combs (aka diddy) i hope i can call you that,
i know that you are constantly hassled everyday for jobs and record deals im sure, and i know it has to get quite frazzeling at times. But my dream is to become an artist, and i would just like some advice as to how to go about getting myself discovered. i have been singing now since i was fifteen and i currently am 21 years old about to turn 22. i know i have an amazing voice as i have been told time after time wherever i have gotten a chance to sing, mostly at kereoke places. i have just had my daughter in march but am back to my slim self once again. i am a 5’5 blue eyed blonde haired girl with a burning desire for music, mostly singing. i really feel that i can make a difference in this crazy industry by making my voice heard and show the world how much feeling goes into my music. the reason why mr. diddy that i have come to you for your advice about going about this is you are a mogule of many things, you are involved in so many different aspects of the cultured world that i really look up to you. you built this intense dream by yourself and i would like to build one also not only for me but my husband and daughter as well. being a young mom really is hard and the only thing i have to keep my spirits going that one day i will be a star and give my baby girl all the things she needs by showing the world just how hard working and dedicated i am and what i can do. please consider emailing me back sir if you dont i will understand completely as i know you have more important things that crave your attention right now other than myself. thank you for your time and GOD bless.

HEY P-DIDDY! THIS IS [REDACTED] FROM NEW ROCHELLE,NY! I AM 14 YEARS OLD! PLEASE HEAR ME OUT! I ‘VE BEEN TOLD MANY TIMES I CAN SING, AND I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO HEAR ME SING! I WANT TO BE A STAR, BECAUSE THAT HAS BEEN MY DREAM SINCE I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD. I’VE BEEN SINGING SINCE THE AGE OF SIX YEARS OLD. I SING ON MY CHURCH’S “YOUTH CHOIR”. I ALSO CAME IN 1ST PLACE AT MY MIDDLE SCHOOL NAMED ISAAC’S TALENT SHOW! PLEASE HELP ME TO FULFILL MY DREAM, LIKE ASHANTI SAYS “DREAM’S ARE REAL, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST BELEIVE!” I WANT TO BECOME AN ARTIST, AND IF YOU COULD JUST TAKE OUT A COUPLE OF MINUTES TO HEAR ME, YOU WOULD LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR. I WILL WORK HARD BY TAKING SINGING LESSONS, WORKING-OUT AT THE GYM, AND TAKING DANCE LESSONS.I AM A VERY HARD-WORKING PERSON, AND I PROMISE TO BE COMMITED TO WHATEVER IT IS I NEED TO DO. I AM ALSO A VERY PERSEVERING PERSON. I NEVER GIVE UP, I JUST PRAY TO GOD FOR THE STRENGTH I NEED AND HE’LL GIVE IT TO ME! PLEASE WRITE BACK AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! THANKS FOR YOUR TIME!

Sorry… but I’m from Poland and I’m looking for P. Diddy’s email… If you can find me that or If you have his email please send me…:)
My name is Marzena and I’m 15…:)
Thanks a lot… goodbay:)

I think it says a lot that best use of English came from Poland. For the record, again, I am not Diddy.
Goodbay.


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