Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

Menu

Precursor To The Apocalypse

dogparty.jpg
That’s it. We’re doomed.
Despite all the signs that the world was teetering on the edge of disaster, I pressed on. I had convinced myself that things weren’t that bad. That things were getting better.
And then I opened today’s mail. Lo and behold: the wake up call.
We have reached a level of decadence that’s a sin the likes of which can only be redeemed in blood. Lots and lots of blood.
Something terrible, awful, will happen because of this.
When the Romans got to this point, their empire crumbled.
When the French aristocracy over-debauched, they lost their heads.
And now we’re throwing dress-up parties for dogs.
When word of this reaches Al Qaeda, we’re in trouble. Big, big trouble. As if they didn’t hate us enough already, now we’re actually giving them legitimate reasons. Reasons I can actually agree with.
I find it strange the Lord channeled his message through Real Estate agents, as I’d always thought them second only to lawyers in their Godlessness. Then again, He works in mysterious ways.
And so, The End Of The World has been announced by a poorly art-directed, punning Chihuahua.
See you all in Hell.


Previously

In the intitial Nigerian Email Experiement, I decided to take the scammer up on his offer to wire $35,000,000 to me. I began an exchange with "Dr. Abu" that lasted a considerable time considering my …

Next

Hello ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for coming today. I wasn't a close friend of Charles. He didn't have many close friends, I think. But fortunately this church wasn't too far from where I live so I …