Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Poland Dispatch: Unfortunate Products

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DINK 50 MOTOR SCOOTER
You can get around town quite easily with a bicycle because town is as small as Angelina Jolie is creepy. But, should you wish to get around town even faster or simply desire to come across as a wee bit more macho you can ride around town on your Dink.
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USDA POLICE T-SHIRT
The concept of the United States Department of Agriculture having a police force is brilliant. Once the TV-viewing public has burned out on the tired menagerie of police and forensic shows there’s a fertile crop of USDA Police shows ripe for the picking – USDA: Bovine Testing Unit, USDA: Pig Sty Detectives and USDA: Improperly Housed Chicken Task Force.
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PABLO ESCOBAR WILL NEVER DIE T-SHIRT
I didn’t have the Polish linguistic panache necessary to tell him his shirt was officially outdated as of December 1993.
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SUNLASSES
Poland is an economy on the rise, but in the meantime most people don’t have the money for costly American or Western European goods. That means China comes in to fill the gap with cheap products that are even cheaper (and presumably more dangerous) than the cheap Chinese products you find in the US. This includes barbecues that are as thin as tin foil, baseball bats that break when you swing them, and cheap sunlasses.


Previously

Greg Williams at the Tampa Tribune illustrated one of my pieces on traveling with children which is exactly what I'm doing right now. In Poland. Where the wheat is sharp. Did you know wheat is …

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