Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Poland Dispatch: Renaissance Festival vs. Borne Sulinowo Military Festival

Renaissance
Festival
Borne
Sulinowo Military Festival
CELEBRATES
Glorious era when
Bubonic plague killed millions.
Glorious era when
Teutonic plague killed millions.
DRESS CODE
16th Century finery,
armor made by a lonely teen, swords that don’t cut.
20th Century battle
dress, face paint, guns that don’t shoot.
DEMOGRAPHIC
Frail
young men who would not have qualified for knighthood, cleavage-bearing
women with bad English accents, ponytailed men who wear knee-high boots
outside of Renaissance festivals.
Frail
young men who would not have qualified for Special Forces, hot women
in camo with
Polish accents, grown
men in Waffen SS officer uniforms who presumably don’t wear them anywhere
else.
LOCALE
Random cow pastures.
Borne Sulinowo, Poland.
WEAPONRY
Claymore,
Ninja sword, flimsy bow, sad flail made from duct tape and string.
Claymore,
Schmeisser MP-40, PanzerFaust anti-tank projectile, plastic pistol
TOUGHEST VEHICLE
Arabian
Horse.
Soviet
T-55 Tank.
POPULAR COLOR
Burgundy,
Gold
Camouflage
(Woodland), Camouflage (Desert)

POPULAR FOODSTUFF

Undercooked poultry
legs.
Meal, Ready to Eat.
SADDEST SOUVENIR
Dreamcatcher.
Rusted German
helmet with bullet hole in head.

borne-sulinowo.jpg


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