Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Poland Dispatch: Village Gossip

A son from the richest village family was sent off to jail for six months for having a few too many stolen tractors in his possession. No one seems to care because the family is a little too snobby for village tastes, plus he stole their tractors.
Marcin’s wife was sleeping with another man, also married. Marcin seems to believe the affair is over now and forgives her. Marcin says he doesn’t have a problem with the fact his faithless wife was then hired to be the man’s secretary.
The former socialist restaurant and function hall remains up for sale. The efforts to keep the restaurant open failed shortly after socialism did, as the new method of charging people for meals turned out to be unpopular. Home cooked meals remain the norm for most, if not all, here. The closest restaurant is about 20 minutes from the village and always appears to be closed. It isn’t, they just keep the lights off to save money.
The old guy with the horribly broken nose didn’t want to move his jacket, but was eventually encouraged to do so by the village bartender.
Wladek thinks he’s going to make a killing when Poland joins the EU. He thinks Germans will be eager to buy his one acre plot of land in the middle of nowhere for outrageous prices.
In 1945, the Russian Army helped the Polish resistance punch through German defenses here. Then the Russians tore up the train tracks and took them back to Russia. This is one of many reasons the locals aren’t fond of Russians.
Also in 1945, Piotrek’s grandfather’s Army brigade discovered a huge cache of moonshine. After they drank it all they worried they might be attacked. They weren’t, but folks agree it was a dumb thing to do at the time.
The village disco is still out of business. No one seems to know why opening a nightclub in a tiny village and charging an unheard of cover charge didn’t pan out.
For the second year in a row the folks who live across the street from the bar have entertained the masses with the high-pitched Christmas jingle generator they have mounted outside. It runs through a repertoire of five or so jingles before running through them again and again and again. All night long.
It’s official! Anja makes the best cakes.
Even though suicides are supposed to be buried in a different part of the cemetery, if you pull some strings you can get buried in the normal place.
The girl who the former village priest got pregnant lives with her mom. The priest has since been relocated. The new priest is very nice and lives across from the doctor. Nobody thinks there’s any monkey business going on with him.
If you’re friends with the police officer who is checking your seat belt he will tell his superior that you’re wearing it, even if you’re not.
There is no plastic food wrap available for sale in any of the stores in the village.


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