Dear Western Tourist:
Thank you for considering Cannibal Island for your next vacation. For hundreds of years Cannibal Island was a place to be feared and avoided – mostly because of the cannibals – but now they are all dead and we welcome you!
Cannibal Island offers a pristine environment with breathtaking views and, of course, no cannibals. Everywhere you look is worthy of a picture. In fact, we encourage you to bring your most expensive camera without fear of bloodthirsty cannibals taking it, or worse.
From the natural beauty of the island’s 100 waterfalls to the unspoiled beaches of Headhunter Bay, you will be amazed to realize that such a place still exists in this age of steamships and giant sky birds that have people inside them.
On Cannibal Island you will experience a paradise that has not changed in hundreds of years; aside from the no more cannibalism, of course. You can stroll the pathways to the top of Foreign Scream Mountain – where many a condemned visitor took their last breath until cannibalism was frowned upon, as it is now.
Away from the pressures of your big cities and too-fast culture you will feel as though you are at a time and place before electricity, books or law. You can walk barefoot anywhere you please or throw cocoanuts at a friend because on Cannibal Island there are very few rules aside from Do Not Make Eye Contact With The Chaos Monkeys.
Not long ago the only way to visit Cannibal Island was to sail too close to the perilous, lovely, Demon’s Teeth coral reef. Today it is different – thank you to technology. Take the giant sky bird from your home country to Safe Island. On the southernmost beach of Safe Island you will find a rope that leads out to sea. Wear something that floats and shake it. We will pull you over.
Cannibal Island is the tropical paradise that you have been dreaming about. Please, come. We want to serve you.
Hey, isn’t that the place Clarice Starling offered to send Dr Lechter?
I don’t know – is it just me, or does this place seem fishy? No? Maybe I’m crazy in the head, but I can’t shake the feeling something isn’t above board. Yes, I read the brochure. Yes, all of it.
Okay, I’m probably being silly – what the hell, let’s just walk over to the glimmering bay and see the ….aaaaaarrrrrggggghhhh.
Oh my GOD. Do Not Make Eye Contact With The Chaos Monkeys. If that isn’t the title of a great book, it should be.
They ate the missionary, and the Chief found his PC. He is chanelling Basil Fawlty in an attempt to summon unsuspecting “Western” dinner guests (read ingredients)
I went to Cannibal Island and was safe and happy and I am certainly not one who is living on Cannibal Island. Please come to Cannibal Island for your vacation.
Is this a real place? It all seems kinda weird…
I CAN ONLY GESS THAT I WOULD BE A KING IF ONLY FOR A FEW TICK,S AT 6.8 300+ POUND WHAT COULD THAY HAVE PLAND FOR ME TOO EAT. OR NOT TO EAT. THAT IS ?
hmmmm caniballs yummmmmmmmmyyy
hi please come to my yard it is canniball island i only need to people to EAT….. um i mean feed um so please come to my yard muffin is a gaylord and he like to eat people. lol
How did they all die
did anyone catch the part at the end “We want to SERVE you” yeah serve us to the cannibals, i think ill just go to disney world
IS THIS A REAL PLACE? SEEMS WIERD :S, HOW CLASS WOULD THE BEACHES BE THOUGH MAN! CURRYS CURRYS CURRYS, COME VISIT ME IN WOMBOURNE, WOLVERHAMPTON WV5 ENGLAND. JAKE GREEN, MY MOMS PUKKA.
Wow, I really would Love To go There. :P