Little Mommy Play All Day Toddler Doll
Only plays half day before shooting strychnine spikes at your child.
Lightning McQueen Twin Race Car Bed
Bed implodes when exposed to FM radio waves.
Little Tikes Shopping Cart
Razor-sharp chlorine wheels release toxic gas when exposed to water.
Tekno Dog
Leads children to sockets.
Connect Four
Checkers smolder when exposed to youth.
The Farmer Says
Animals issue Fatwas.
Pretend and Play Doctor Kit
Breakable plastic pieces packaged in bird flu.
Fisher Price Chatter Telephone
Phone summons Chinese assassin.
Bedtime Dora The Explorer
Shouts in Spanish; convenes hastily-assembled tribunal prone to issuing death sentences.
Jay Jay Wooden Jet Plane
Crushes child’s windpipe when removed from packaging.
Brian Sack
I started Banterist in 2003 after this conversation with my cat. It led to all sorts of good things.
Don’t forget My Little Apocalypse Ponies!
http://eahopp.blogspot.com/2007/06/friday-fun-stuff-my-little-apocalypse.html
…and then there’s Ethnic Cleansing Bear:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skSksoO9Fek&NR=1
This explains a lot. After 39 years, I finally know why I’ve been hounded by that Chinese Assassin. Thanks Banterist!
You are a very funny man. I hope you dont mind, I linked your post about squat toilets… we’re travelling through Malaysia at the moment, and my gf has had the misfortune…..
You neglected to mention that each of the toys above, despite their other flaws, also begins with the instruction “Assemble in mouth.”
Now that can’t be safe.