Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Lorens Martino for President

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CAMPAIGN BULLETIN
We did it! We raised $487.32 in DAY ONE of our internet drive. Much to the dismay of the other candidates who want to silence Mr. Martino, we’re quickly showing them that we’re in it for the long haul – and that we can and will make a difference in this race. If you have supported us unwaveringly, we owe our success to your unwavering support.
When Mr. Martino announced his candidacy in the back of Willem’s Subs last July some scoffed, some cheered, and some cynically said “so what?” – as if it was a given who will occupy the White House on January 2009.
And, as expected, we were ignored by the mainstream media.
The fact of the matter is this race is wide open and the media knows it. That’s why they’ve done their best to ignore Mr. Martino and his message of change and whatnot. Did you know Lorens Martino finished 17th in the Iowa caucus? Only if you called him and asked how he did, or checked his MySpace page, because he was IGNORED by the press – even after inviting them to his motel for drinks in the Straight Talk Suite.
But we remain undeterred, in part because of Mr. Martino’s determination to take America back from the people who took America and shouldn’t have taken America in the first place. When he takes America back, you can rest assured he’ll fix it and put it somewhere safe.
So thank you for your continuing support. With your help, we’re making our voice heard. The more people hear our message of change and whatnot, the more they realize that Lorens Martino best reflects their views, and not just the views of people who form their own militias.
Don’t forget to download Mr. Martino’s weekly podcast from Blake’s Tavern and catch him next Wednesday on Metro Access channel 54 when he re-delivers the message of change he delivered last week when their microphones were broken.
And remember: November is fast approaching! We need you to get the message out. Feel free to print the above campaign sign and tape it to your lawn.
Fredrick Eloise DeGrasso
Campaign Manager


Previously

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