Banterist

From New York, original humor writing & commentary by Brian Sack. Subject to all the flexible quality standards of internet self-publishing.

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Can’t Say I Never Ca(Red)

Reducing my carbon footprint by switching from my traditional carbon shoes to Uggs, which are made from natural materials – namely several sheep and a cow.
While writing I will only drink organic coffee grown by native farmers who ethically harvest the beans for a living wage, eat only raw vegetables and poop on their fields in the shade.
I will stop releasing plastic bags into the environment “that they may enjoy freedom.”
My writing space will be heated solely by my scorching-hot Apple laptop.
Soy-based fonts.
I will make the six-minute walk to the office on foot and save the coal-powered Radio Flyer for longer trips.
When greeting people I will simply say “Hello” or “How are you?” instead of releasing a steady stream of chlorofluorocarbons.
The environmental cost of all posts will be offset by the planting of a virtual tree.
If someone says they want to be cremated I will ask them to consider being composted.
Blog advertisements from whalers and people who make furniture from PVC pipes will be subject to approval by my Council of the Willing, which is like the Coalition of the Willing, but no Humvees or Bulgarians.
All future content will contain 75% recycled humor.


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