Defendant: NYPD – 9th Precinct
Count 1: Accidental suggestion of doubt or irony by using quotes for emphasis.
Count 2: Failure to use a closing quote.
Count 3: Failure to employ a question mark in the establishment of an interrogative sentence.
Count 4: Improper comma use.
Count 5: Placing parentheses in harm’s way by locating them outside of a sentence.
Count 6: Photocopying grammatical errors with intent to distribute.
Count 7: Demanding bar and nightclub owners display grammatical errors in a prominent place without having the legal authority to do so.
Report: Officer David S. of the Greenwich Village Grammatical Crimes Unit witnessed two uniformed NYPD officers demanding a nightclub bouncer display flyer (Exhibit A) in a prominent area. Officer S. came into possession of flyer and an investigation was launched – by which I mean he scanned and emailed the thing.
Fine: $312 in non-taxpayer funds and a restraining order on littering the city with awkward flyers advertising common sense.