Defendant: Swiss Gold, Inc.
Count 1: Misdemeanor misspelling of “diamond.”
Count 2: Misdemeanor misspelling of “diamond” when you are in a business that centers around diamonds.
Count 3: Omission of “gold” so as to create “carat” and “karat” confusion.
Count 4: Rendering all errors permanent by affixing them to granite on the side of a large retail structure.
Count 5: Displaying spelling errors in a high-traffic public venue.
Count 6: Coming to work every day, for God knows how long, and not noticing this.
Report: Officer was on patrol in the Avoidable District of Manhattan for no other reason than he wanted a change of venue. The crime was visible from a distance because of its height, Trump-like gold color, and the fact that it was on the side of a building. The crime is especially heinous because the correct spelling of diamond is hanging on a sign in the window.
Fine: Diamonds. Lots of them.
Brian Sack
I started Banterist in 2003 after this conversation with my cat. It led to all sorts of good things.
I’ll bet they say “joolery” in there.
In the UK, the owner would be a “daimond Guyser”