Defendant: Unidentified Price Chopper employee tasked with honoring Gene’s memory.
Count 1: Failure to maintain subject-verb agreement.
Count 2: Rendering grammatical malfeasance permanent with granite.
Count 3: Grammatical malfeasance in the commission of a memorial marker.
Report: Officer had just exited a Price Chopper supermarket when he noticed the marker at the base of a flagpole in the parking lot. After initially remarking on the type of people who would dispose of cigarette butts in such close proximity to a memorial, officer then noticed the infraction and captured it with his iPhone’s mediocre camera.
It should be noted that the Officer saved over $2.00 on a half-gallon of milk because he purchased it 125 miles outside of Manhattan.
Fine: $278 and a re-unveiling of a proper marker for Gene.